Worst Jokes Ever

Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, “Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs, and my ball got away and into your closet. When I went to get it, Daddy came in with the lady next door, and they started hugging and kissing. The lady next door took off Daddy’s clothes, and Daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed. The lady next door got on top of Daddy and started...”.

The mother cuts him off and says, “Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me.” A couple hours later, the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face, shouting, “I’m leaving you... Go ahead, Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier.” Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. “Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs, and my ball got away and into your closet. When I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door, and you both started hugging and kissing. The lady next door took off your clothes, and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed. The lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing Mom did with Uncle Joe last summer.”

It's all fun and games until someone fails at becoming Superman.

I'm not fat!!

I'm a Nutritional Overachiever.

How did the gay girl die? Homicide.

What do Spiderman and an orphan have in common? They both have no way home.

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

Yo mama so fat that when I banged her in the jacuzzi, there was a level 8 tsunami.

Coronavirus walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Gimme a shot of whiskey, will ya?"

The bartender says, "Sorry. We don't serve viruses here."

Corona replies, "Well, you're not a very good host."

Q: Why can't orphans be on a football team?

A: Because they won't know where to go on a home game.

I had to stop using cutting jokes because they were getting too deep.

My teacher walked up to the emo kid and told him, "I like your striped red and tan gloves." And she asked, "Where did you get them?" The emo kid replied, "Oh, I made the red stripes myself."

What do a fat chick and a moped have in common? They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out.

Hubble just spotted something huge coming out of Uranus.

When someone tells me to kill myself,

Panic! At The Disco: Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time.

What is the difference between me and a knife?

The knife has a point.

What do KFC and pussy have in common?

Both are finger lickin' good, and after you are done eating, you have a box to put the bone in.

My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.

Old people kept saying "you're next" to me at weddings, so I started saying it to them at funerals.

So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."

Congrats to George Floyd on 2 years sobriety.