Worst Jokes Ever
Old people kept saying "you're next" to me at weddings, so I started saying it to them at funerals.
A man walks into a pharmacy and buys multiple containers of Tylenol, and the clerk asks why he's buying all of these. He replies with, "I'm playing 1 pill eat 100."
What's similar between a blind kid and an orphan?
They both can't see their parents.
Why is it so hard to choose between buying a Subaru or a Volvo? Because you’re deciding whether you want to look like a rapist or a pedophile.
If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die.
But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I won't die because the potato is already dead and can't attack my immune system.
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza and they got plain!
What do you call two female lovers spying on the government?
Lesbionage.
Guys, stop making jokes about orphan's parents.
Who will be told? Oh wait.
After work, I volunteer to help blind children. Verb, not adjective.
What does an evil hen lay?
Deviled eggs! 😈🥚
A proud new dad sits down with his own father.
His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.
The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.
His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."
I still remember my grandpa's last words; "Is that loaded?"
What goes Snap, Crackle, and Pop?
A neck.
A priest and a nun are traveling across the desert on a camel, and when all of a sudden the camel dies. They’re in the middle of the desert with no hope of rescue when that night the priest thinks to himself that he can’t die a virgin. He looks over at the nun and pulls out his penis. The nun says, "Father, what is that?" He says, "This, sister, is the wand of life." The nun says, "Good, now go stick it in that camel's ass and let’s get the hell out of here!"
How did the Shaggy defense become successful for JD Vance?
He was not banging on the sofa. Rather, he was banging the sofa!
An orphan's first word would be "orphan keeper."
What's the difference between a baby and a sweet potato? About 140 calories.
Q. What walks through alleys and has a hole in it?
A. Batman's parents.
Why do Asians have squinty eyes?
Because atomic bombs are pretty damn bright.
Why can’t kids at an orphanage play hide and seek?
Because no one’s looking for them.