Worst Jokes Ever
My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
Roses are red, violets are blue, you have a big forehead, and your hairline recedes too.
What do you call a suicide bomber under the water?
Answer: A bath bomb.
what do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
a family photo.
So the teacher goes up to you and says, "I'm going to call your parents." Me: "Good luck finding them."
If things don't get better, the Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging.
Why do orphans wanna be a criminal?
So that they can be wanted.
Why did the fish cross the sea?
To get to the other tide! 😂 😂 😂
Why are fish easy to measure?
Because they bring their own scales.
The difference between dark jokes and morbid is,
dark jokes are 10 babies in 1 trash can, and
morbid jokes are 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
A good dog name is Syndrome. That way when it tries attacking, you can yell, "Down, Syndrome!"
Despite my devilish attitude, I have the heart of a small boy.
I keep it in a jar on my desk.
You're so ugly that even Hello Kitty said goodbye.
What is a dry swimmer?
Not in the water...
Kobe Bryant never missed a shot.
But he nailed that mountain.
The coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.
Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.
One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!
He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!
Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"
He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.
The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.
"Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"
"Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."
The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"
"I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."
Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit."
Frank: "I am named Frank because my grandpa lived in Frankfurt during his best years."
Finley: "I am named Finley because my grandmother was in Finland during her early twenties!"
Mia: "Can we please change the subject?"
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, I’d rather be single than with someone like you.
They made a horror movie about the Chinese president.
It's called "Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey."
How does a cannibal start a wedding reception?
He toasts the groom.