Worst Jokes Ever
Congrats to George Floyd on 2 years sobriety.
My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
What's similar between a blind kid and an orphan?
They both can't see their parents.
A man walks into a pharmacy and buys multiple containers of Tylenol, and the clerk asks why he's buying all of these. He replies with, "I'm playing 1 pill eat 100."
Why is it so hard to choose between buying a Subaru or a Volvo? Because you’re deciding whether you want to look like a rapist or a pedophile.
So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."
If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die.
But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I won't die because the potato is already dead and can't attack my immune system.
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza and they got plain!
I banged a German chick one time. I tried anal and asked her to rate the experience. She kept yelling "9! 9! 9!"
What do you call two female lovers spying on the government?
Lesbionage.
Roses are red, violets are blue, you have a big forehead, and your hairline recedes too.
What do KFC and pussy have in common?
Both are finger lickin' good, and after you are done eating, you have a box to put the bone in.
Guys, stop making jokes about orphan's parents.
Who will be told? Oh wait.
After work, I volunteer to help blind children. Verb, not adjective.
I like my kids how I like my lights, Hanging from the ceiling.
What does an evil hen lay?
Deviled eggs! 😈🥚
What goes Snap, Crackle, and Pop?
A neck.
A proud new dad sits down with his own father.
His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.
The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.
His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."
I still remember my grandpa's last words; "Is that loaded?"
Kobe Bryant never missed a shot.
But he nailed that mountain.