Worst Jokes Ever
Why did the fish cross the sea?
To get to the other tide! 😂 😂 😂
The difference between dark jokes and morbid is,
dark jokes are 10 babies in 1 trash can, and
morbid jokes are 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
Why are fish easy to measure?
Because they bring their own scales.
A good dog name is Syndrome. That way when it tries attacking, you can yell, "Down, Syndrome!"
Despite my devilish attitude, I have the heart of a small boy.
I keep it in a jar on my desk.
What is a dry swimmer?
Not in the water...
You're so ugly that even Hello Kitty said goodbye.
I hate it when disabled people get bullied...
... because they can't stand up for themselves.
Kobe Bryant never missed a shot.
But he nailed that mountain.
The coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.
Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.
One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!
He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!
Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"
He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.
The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.
"Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"
"Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."
The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"
"I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."
Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit."
They say that the tongue is the strongest muscle in the human body. Wanna fight? 👅💦
Theory is when you know everything but nothing works.
Practice is when everything works but no one knows why.
In our lab, theory and practice are combined: Nothing works and no one knows why.
How does a cannibal start a wedding reception?
He toasts the groom.
When the orphan got a job as a priest, what was his name?
Father Les.
They made a horror movie about the Chinese president.
It's called "Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey."
I can explain Superman and Batman movies in one sentence.
Two orphans fighting in the rain.
Yo mama's so dumb, when a robber stole her TV, she said, "You forgot the remote!"
When my son was little, he loved to draw. Although he would always rip up the paper whenever there was one little slip up. Too bad he became a tattoo artist.....
Frank: "I am named Frank because my grandpa lived in Frankfurt during his best years."
Finley: "I am named Finley because my grandmother was in Finland during her early twenties!"
Mia: "Can we please change the subject?"
My wife said I have no sense of direction.
I said, "Where did that come from?"