I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
Worst Jokes Ever
Let's play carpenter. First, we'll get hammered, then I'll nail you.
Are you a pirate? Because I have a lot of seamen waiting for you đ
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, Iâd rather be single than with someone like you.
What do you call two female lovers spying on the government?
Lesbionage.
Why canât orphans go on school trips?
They need a parent signature.
My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
You look good with anything, but nothing works too.
Whatâs the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everyone at the party. A bitch sleeps with everyone at the partyâexcept you.
yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it told her "I wanted your weight not your phone number."
Why do trans women make the best golf course grounds staff?
Theyâre enthusiastic about getting rid of unwanted balls.
How many gay guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one... But it takes the entire emergency room to take it out.
I have some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breathe through something so small?"
They made a horror movie about the Chinese president.
It's called "Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey."
Yo mama's so dumb, when a robber stole her TV, she said, "You forgot the remote!"
My wife told me to stop being an idiot.
I told her, "Which one do you want?"
My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what...
She couldn't do either!
Everyone has cracks in them, mine's just in my heart and not my ass.
The teacher asked the class what sound does a cow make? "Mooo," said Sally. "Good job," said the teacher. "What sound does a sheep make?" "Baa," said Jack. "Good, now what sound does a pig make?" Little Johnny raised his hand really high in the sky. The teacher called on him. He said, "The pig says, 'Get on the ground and put your hands on your head, you black motherfucker.'"
