Worst Jokes Ever
I know the voices in my head aren't real, but man, do they have some good ideas.
What do you call a FAT Man under 5'9"?
A JUMBO shrimp.
The most powerful thing in the world is babies. This is because they cry and get what every they want.
How do mountains see? They peek.
How to escape your black school teacher in detention?
(Easy)
Turn off the lights!
Do you know what's in common between a hitman and a photographer?
They all shoot people for a living.
It did not rain very often when Chuck Norris was a kid.
Why?
Because his favorite childhood song was "Rain Rain Go Away."
What do blind people and orphans have in common?
They both can't see their parents.
Q. What do you call a person with Alzheimer's?
It doesn't matter. They'll forget what you said in thirty seconds anyway.
Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.
Why did God build a stairway to heaven?
So all the disabled people will have to go to hell.
Why were the twin towers mad?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but instead they got plain.
What do you call an orphan taking a picture?
A family portrait.
Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?
Teacher: 203
Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Teacher: You can't.
Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?
Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.
The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?
Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.
Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.
Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?
Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?
Student: No, the alligators are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, how?
Teacher: She frowned?
Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.
What's the difference between an emo and my clothes?
My clothes don't hang themselves.
Q. What type of flour do orphans get?
A. Self-raising flour.
John
Did you know there are black holes billions of years old?
What’s more amazing is the black holes Stephen Hawking studied. We're only 14 years old.
Friend: Wanna hear a joke?
Other Friend: Sure.
Friend: Pussy.
Other Friend: I don't get it.
Friend: And you never will.
A man was walking with a young boy in the woods.
The boy looks at the man and says, "Mister, it's too dark and I'm getting scared."
The man replies with, "How do you think I feel? I have to come back alone!"