Worst Jokes Ever
Pick a number, syckkkkkkk, that’s the wrong number.
All these jokes really hijacking my mind.
Finally, some social platform where you can talk about Muslims and not get bombed.
Obv, unless you share your residence.
What do you call a FAT Man under 5'9"?
A JUMBO shrimp.
"You raise me up to stand on mountains," said the dwarf pornstar on my penis.
I know the voices in my head aren't real, but man, do they have some good ideas.
What is the only place fat people live?
Obi-city.
My wife said I had no sense of direction... so I packed my sh*t and left.
I would tell a dad joke, but it already left me.
A man walks up to Lil Johnny one day and asks, "If you had one wish, but that wish will be granted to everyone on Earth... what would it be?"
So Lil Johnny thinks real hard and long, then said, "Well, I would wish for me to shit myself."
The man is shocked and asks why, and Lil Johnny replies, "Well, I would be on the toilet. I think everyone else would just be confused!"
A kid asks his dad why his name is Experience. The dad says, "That's what we give our mistakes."
The most powerful thing in the world is babies. This is because they cry and get what every they want.
My son, who is into astronomy, asked me how stars die. I said, "Usually from an overdose."
How do mountains see? They peek.
Three children play hide and seek. Their names are Silence, Anger, and Parent. Anger counts. Parent hides in the trash. Silence is at the police station.
A policeman looks at Silence and asks: "What is your name?" Silence replies: "Silence." Terrified, the policeman asks: "Where are your parents?" Silence then replies: "Parent is in the trash!" The policeman then asks indignantly: "Are you looking for Trouble?" Silence replies: "No, in fact, Anger finds me."
Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.
Why did God build a stairway to heaven?
So all the disabled people will have to go to hell.
Did you know there are black holes billions of years old?
What’s more amazing is the black holes Stephen Hawking studied. We're only 14 years old.
Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?
Teacher: 203
Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Teacher: You can't.
Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?
Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.
The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?
Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.
Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.
Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?
Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?
Student: No, the alligators are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, how?
Teacher: She frowned?
Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.
What's the difference between an emo and my clothes?
My clothes don't hang themselves.