Worst Jokes Ever
How are school shooting victims and school shooting jokes similar?
They never get old.
These jokes are fun for the whole family to enjoy.
A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. "One more picture and I'll jump." He takes another photo and shuts the window. "I can't jump, you're not supposed to throw trash out the window."
A teacher gives her kindergarten students four flavors of lifesavers, and they have to guess the flavors. The students guess cherry, lime, and orange. They don't know the last flavor. So, the teacher gives them a hint and says, "It's what your parents call each other." [honey] But a little girl shouts and says, "OMG, they're assholes."
Life is like a box of chocolates, mostly disappointing.
A cocksucker is still a cocksucker if a cocksucker only sucks for moral, religious, or health reasons, and a vegetarian who doesn't eat meat for moral, religious, or health reasons can still be a cocksucker, so how can a cocksucker be a vegetarian for moral, religious, or health reasons?
What has more brains than Kurt Cobain?
The wall behind him.
A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterward, he's sitting in the doctor's office, and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, "I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer's." The man replies, "Well, at least I don't have cancer."
How do you trick a Catholic priest into using the glory hole at an adult bookstore? Tell him it is a confessional booth.
Kid: But, Mom, I don't want to see Grandma.
Mom: Shut up and keep digging.
How do you cut ancient Rome in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Hey, can't wait to meet you! So join the crippling depression family!!
I like my women like my cigars: smuggled in from Cuba in a sack.
Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head.
-JFK
All my jokes are cries for help.
INCLUDING THIS ONE.
Why can't depressed people leave the maze?
Because their lives are the walls and they are too scared to meet the exit.
Kid asks, "What is dark humor?" Me *points*, "See that guy across the street..." Kid: "I can't... I'm blind." Me: "Exactly."
What does your mom and a slinky have in common?
They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see them tumbling down the stairs.
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what's so sad?" and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's heads before they died?" I replied "probably a bullet". She gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent's heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
Teacher: Johnny, can you use a sentence with "definitely" in it?
Little Johnny: Do farts have lumps in them?
Teacher: Of course not, Johnny.
Little Johnny: Then I’ve definitely shat myself.