Worst Jokes Ever

What did the doctor say to the orphan?

"I can't help you with cancer, I'm a family doctor!"

What do you call an orphan that sings a solo?

There was a kid at school. He was reading a book and he came across a phrase. It was "purple pation." He went to his teacher and asked what it meant. His teacher said, "What the actual hell? Get the hell out of my class and go to the principal's office!" The principal said, "It's okay, it was probably a mistake. I will clean this all up. In the meantime, what's the phrase?" He says, "Purple pation." His principal stares at him for about 3 seconds, then says, "Get the hell out of my school. You are expelled!" He ran 7 miles to his dad's office crying all the way. He went to his dad and explained how his teacher kicked him out of the class and the principal expelled him. His dad said, "Calm down, I will clean this all up," and he said, "That's what the principal said. He said, 'I will clean it up'." He said, "OK, the phrase is 'purple pation'." His dad said, "I hate you, get out of my office. I don't want to see you again." He ran down crying to his house. He explained what happened. His mom said the same thing as everyone else, so he explains the phrase. His mom kicks him out of the house, and he ran down to the park crying. An old lady said, "What's wrong?" He explained what's happening. Then she says, "Well, what's the phrase?" He says, "Purple pation." The old lady said, "See that house across the street? That's my house. Come over in about 30 min and I will explain." He says, "Thank you." It was the longest 30 min of his life. He sprints across the street and gets hit by a bus.

Sorry guys ;)

Officer: Hi, how high are you?

Pothead: No officer, it's "how are you?"

Officer: Oh, I'm sorry, I've been high since last night.

Pothead: Cool, I'd like to give you some weed, happy 420, sir.

Officer: Omg, thanks man, appreciate that.

Why are there not that many phones in China? Because there’s too much Wing and Wong, so they will "wing" the wrong number.

A man walked into the kitchen and asked his blonde wife what she was doing. She said, "I'm trying to do this jigsaw puzzle. It's supposed to be a tiger, but all of the pieces are brown." Her husband then said, "Honey, those are frosted flakes."

Are you a race car?

Cuz I’m tryna fuck.

Life's like a dick. Women make it hard for no reason.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the retard's house.

Knock knock. Who's there?

The chicken...

What do you call that useless piece of skin that goes all the way around a pussy?

A woman!

What do you call a dead hooker?

It doesn't matter, she won't answer you.

So, y'all remember Hitler, right?

Ok, so I own a gun with Nazi rounds. I shot a guy who was entering my home who wasn't invited. He said, "Did you shoot me with Nazi rounds?" Then I said, "Do you mean 'nein' millimeter?"

My Bff: Hey do want any coffee?

Me: Yeh, of course.

My Bff: Ok which one?

Me: You know... the black one.

Me: Like my soul...

My Bff: Jeez you ok?

Dark humor leave if sensitive: Wives are like grenades: pull the ring, and the house is gone.

What is a group of depressed kids called? They are called the "Suicide Squad."

Your mom wants to tell you that you're adopted, but you were an orphan.

It may be weird to let people smell your hair, but grab the phone as soon as the dwarf says your hair smells nice.

Femboys are looking kinda tasty for a date, especially the dick and their balls.

Why did the child die? To see God, our father.

Why does Trump play Minecraft?

'Cause he can build walls.