Worst Jokes Ever

I will pay someone to kill me.

I'm 24 and I was with a Chinese lady, and she kept screaming, "I'm too young!" Like, I don't know what that name is.

What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick.

What's black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.

Why are the Americans good at Rubik's cubes? Because they have a long history of separating colors.

I bet for Halloween you were a Goblin. How about you gobble deez nuts?

The difference between my life and a joke is that a joke has meaning.

My girlfriend's a porn star.

She'd kill me if she found out.

What did the lesbian vampire say to the heterosexual woman after she was done licking her pussy after she was done having her blood period?

"I will be back next month."

"So I asked a genie if he could grant me this wish. I wished to be like Michael Jackson. The next day, I was in a playground full of little kids."

The judge asked Bill Cosby for his defense. He used feminist talking points and said "My body, my choice" and "It's my right to privacy." The judge, being impartial, let Cosby go.

Yo hairline be lookin' like Elmo's toe fungus.

Balls in your jaws.

my therapist says with time all wounds can heal.

So I stabbed him. Now we wait.

A man sees a small boy begging for money. He walks up to him and asks him if he is an orphan.

The boy asks, "What gave me away?"

The man responds, "Your parents."

Hi, if you are suffering with depression and want to talk about it, please do so in the comments, and just know you are NOT alone.

Yo mama so ugly even Hello Kitty said goodbye.

Yo mama so fat, I saw her eat with 3 utensils: A spoon, a knife, and a FORKLIFT.

What do you call your angry French aunt?

A crossaunt.

What’s the difference between a thief and a pervert?

One will snatch your watch, the other will watch your snatch.