Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call your angry French aunt?
A crossaunt.
What’s the difference between a thief and a pervert?
One will snatch your watch, the other will watch your snatch.
Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.
Why does China have the biggest eyewear?
Because all their eyes are too small.
I'm going to draw a picture. A picture with a twist. I'll draw it with a razor blade. I'll draw it on my wrist.
Sketchy dude: If you push this button you get 100 million dollars but 100 million people would die.
Me: If I push it more than once do I get more money?
Sketchy dude: Yes, but more people die.
Me: *rapidly pushes button* This is how you solve world hunger.
Sketchy dude: ... wtf, you're insane.
Me: ...
What do ghosts put on their bagels 🥯?
Scream cheese.
Why couldn’t people use the George Floyd action figure? Because it was vacuum sealed.
How did Helen Keller lose her virginity?
I told her the plunger was stuck in the toilet, but she didn’t listen...
What do you call an orphan when there 18?
Homeless.
What do you call a cow with no toes?
Lac-toes intolerant.
Little Johnny's sister, Suzy, sees her mom in the shower and asks, "What is that between your legs?" Her mom responds, "That is my garage." The next day, Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, "What is that between your legs?" Her dad answers, "It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy's garage." The next day, Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, "Why is there blood all over your hands, Suzy?" Suzy says, "Well... little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage, so I ripped its wheels off."
Me: My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday, and I had her wheelchair.
Me: Guess who came crawling right back?
Why are Americans good at Rubik's Cubes?
They're so good at separating colors.
What do you call a pregnant slave? A two for one deal.
People: Stop invading Ukraine!
Putin: Ukraine? you mean Mykraine.
I saw this really old guy with the Hitler stache, so I decided to start beating him up.
It was very weird when a camera crew came out with Harrison Ford and started yelling at me.
What is long that Paul Walker can fit into his mouth? A long black tree.
What do planets use to download music?
Nep-tunes.
How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb in the middle of the night?
I don't know, I can never see them.