Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a group of emo kids?
The suicide squad.
If chickens wake up when the rooster crows, then when do ducks wake up?
At the quack of dawn.
Q: What season can an orphan see their family tree?
A: Fall.
If you don't get it, in the fall trees have no leaves, there [are] just empty branches, like an orphan's tree.
Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
Their dad never came home with the milk.
What do you call a Chinese baby?
Sum Ting Wong.
Roses are red, violets are blue, you are so ugly that no one likes you.
What do 3-year-old boys say after going to confession?
"My bum hurts!"
What did the orphan say to his parents?
I'm tripping balls right now!
My fucking balls hurt so god damn bad, oh my god!
How does a penguin build a house?
Igloos it together.
What do you call a dolphin in the woods? Dead.
What's the difference between Batman and a gay person?
Batman has no one to call "daddy."
I saw this kid sitting on the sidewalk and asked him where are his parents?
I love working at an orphanage.
Just 'cause I’m gay doesn’t mean I want you. I’m shocked anyone would.
What part is usually missing in an orphan’s computer system?
Motherboard.
I named my dog "5 miles" so I could say I walk 5 miles each day.
But today I ran OVER 5 miles... oops!
At first, I didn't like Big Ben, but then I went there and the experience was un-BELL-ievable!
So a guy gets a motorcycle with authentic leather seats, and the dealer tells him, "Dude, the rain will ruin the seats. Get it under something if it starts raining, and worst-case scenario, put Vaseline all over the seats to make it waterproof." So he goes to his girlfriend's house that night for dinner, and before he goes inside, she says, "Listen, this is your first time meeting my parents. We have a rule: the first one to speak has to do the dishes." So he walks inside and sees a mountain of dishes, over three months' worth, because no one has spoken, and the stench is awful.
During dinner, he concocted a plan to get someone to speak, so he started doing all of this crazy shit to try and get someone to speak. Not a peep. Eventually, he grabs his girlfriend, bends her over, and starts going to town. Still nothing. The parents are outraged but not speaking because they don't want to do the dishes. After about a minute of this, he walks away and does the same to her mum and starts going to town. Now the dad is pissed and just staring him down with daggers. At that moment, it starts to rain. He remembers his motorcycle is out in the rain, and he grabs the Vaseline out of his pack pocket, and the dad goes, "FINE! I'LL DO THE DISHES!"
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What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.