Worst Jokes Ever
Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.
Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.
What place has more boys than the Catholic Church? Michael Jackson's bedroom.
This is a joke to tell to someone with you or something. SOMEONE will laugh. Say: "This word isn't gonna be funny until I tell you, your probably not going to laugh." *your friend* "what's the word?" *you* "finger" *friend* *dies of laughter*. *note* it works better if you wiggle your finger or something before and not everyone laughs, so don't feel bad if they don't. Also, don't be surprised if you get put in jail for murder, because you're going to kill someone with this.
I will pay someone to kill me.
I'm 24 and I was with a Chinese lady, and she kept screaming, "I'm too young!" Like, I don't know what that name is.
My mom told me yesterday that in this Valentine, we should take our love to new heights. So tomorrow I'm prepared to fuck her in "The Hot Seat" position.
What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, but Jill fell down and Jack came tumbling down after.
(And you thought this would be a joke.)
What's black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.
Why are the Americans good at Rubik's cubes? Because they have a long history of separating colors.
I bet for Halloween you were a Goblin. How about you gobble deez nuts?
The difference between my life and a joke is that a joke has meaning.
What did the lesbian vampire say to the heterosexual woman after she was done licking her pussy after she was done having her blood period?
"I will be back next month."
"So I asked a genie if he could grant me this wish. I wished to be like Michael Jackson. The next day, I was in a playground full of little kids."
My girlfriend's a porn star.
She'd kill me if she found out.
Me: My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday, and I had her wheelchair.
Me: Guess who came crawling right back?
Yo hairline be lookin' like Elmo's toe fungus.
Balls in your jaws.
my therapist says with time all wounds can heal.
So I stabbed him. Now we wait.
A man sees a small boy begging for money. He walks up to him and asks him if he is an orphan.
The boy asks, "What gave me away?"
The man responds, "Your parents."