Worst Jokes Ever
I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a blow dryer.
People tell me to be nice to orphans, so I say, "What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?"
*Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stockpiled "just in case".
The whole lot collapsed and buried him.
Why do orphans like Spider-Man?
100% of them are like him!
I want to be like pizza so I can get cut into 8 pieces.
Good Morning! Have a Great Day!
#Ijustwokeup
I need a new butt. This one has a hole in it.
I live inside my own world of make-believe. Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities. I see the world through eyes covered in ink and bleach. Cross out the ones who heard my cries and watched me weep. I love everything. Fire's spreading all around my room. My world's so bright. It's hard to breathe, but that's alright. Hush, shh.
Tape my eyes open to force reality (oh no, no). Why can't you just let me eat my weight in glee? I live inside my own world of make-believe. Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities. Some days I feel skinnier than all the other days, And some days I can't tell if my body belongs to me. I love everything. Fire's spreading all around my room. My world's so bright. It's hard to breathe, but that's alright. Hush, shh.
I wanna taste your content. Hold your breath and feel the tension. Devils hide behind redemption. Honesty is a one-way gate to hell. I wanna taste consumption. Breathe faster to waste oxygen. Hear the children sing aloud. It's music 'til the wick burns out. Hush.
Just wanna be carefree lately, yeah. Just kicking up daisies. Got one too many quarters in my pockets. Count 'em like the four-leaf clovers in my locket. Untied laces, yeah. Just tripping on daydreams. Got dirty little lullabies playing on repeat. Might as well just rot around the nursery and count sheep.
Why do orphans want to be criminals? Because they want to feel what it’s like to be wanted.
Hi, my name is Uncle Joe, and I like kids in a way that makes their parents not trust me anymore.
Holy fucking shit, Addison, watersharky, Gwen, and all of you other cringelords, I swear to God if I hear one more thing about "please be kind, no bullying on the internet," I will actually shoot my local school.
You may not know, since you are only 8 years old or whatever, but the world is not kind. It’s full of sick people out to beat others, and the only way to stay safe is to beat them. So even if you think you are spreading kindness, it’s just gonna make you a target. So just stfu and keep your "please be kind" messages to yourselves.
Q: Why is Saturn a boy planet?
A: Because he has a nice ring to it.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal?
Their dad didn't come back with the milk.
Like if you laugh.
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
Why couldn't the NASA astronaut enter his rocket to leave Earth?
There wasn't enough space to fly it.
When I shit in the toilet, I think that if I shit hard enough, I can see my asshole plug.
Q: What do you call a duck that's sad?
A: Idk, but it's acting really duckpressed.
Why can orphans just be gay?
Cause they want to call somebody "daddy."
What's the difference between me and cancer?
My dad did not beat cancer.
I hate it when couples get into a little fight and they change their Facebook status to "single." I have fights with my parents, but I don't change my Facebook status to "orphan."