Worst Jokes Ever
Shit! My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs! I've been his customer for 4 years, but I had no idea he was a barber.
What does a roller coaster and Michael Jackson have in common?
Kids ride for free.
Why can't orphans have sex?
They have no one to call "daddy".
One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".
The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."
I got kicked out of the library for putting the Women's Rights book in the fantasy section.
Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
What do you call an orphan's family reunion? "Me time."
Without women, sex would be a pain in the ass.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.
It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
You wanna hear a suicide joke? Nvm, it didn't make it.
I googled "How to start a wildfire." I got 48,500 matches.
The other day my friend messaged me saying, "bro I have two pieces of bad news for you." I told him to combine them. He replied with, "your girlfriend is cheating on both of us."
How do you throw a surprise party at a hospital?
Bring a strobe light into the epilepsy ward.
What did the wind say to the palm tree? "Hold onto your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job."
Ya ever think about the twin towers plan?
Me neither. It all came crashing down.
"What does the word 'gay' mean?" asked a son of his father.
"It means 'happy'," replied the father.
"Oh," contested the son, "so you are gay then?"
"No, son, I have a wife."
How do you help a suicidal person cheer up?
You tell them it's a leap of faith.
What story does an orphan always get kicked out of? Home Depot.
Chuck Norris was shot with a gun. The bullet was critically injured.
What do pedophiles and a SpongeBob intro have in common?
Are you ready kids?