You wanna hear a suicide joke? Nvm, it didn't make it.
Worst Jokes Ever
I googled "How to start a wildfire." I got 48,500 matches.
The other day my friend messaged me saying, "bro I have two pieces of bad news for you." I told him to combine them. He replied with, "your girlfriend is cheating on both of us."
Why did the emo leave the bar?
Because it was happy hour.
What did the wind say to the palm tree? "Hold onto your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job."
"What does the word 'gay' mean?" asked a son of his father.
"It means 'happy'," replied the father.
"Oh," contested the son, "so you are gay then?"
"No, son, I have a wife."
Ya ever think about the twin towers plan?
Me neither. It all came crashing down.
How do you help a suicidal person cheer up?
You tell them it's a leap of faith.
What is the one thing cripples can't do? ... Stand-up comedy.
Chuck Norris was shot with a gun. The bullet was critically injured.
What story does an orphan always get kicked out of? Home Depot.
What do pedophiles and a SpongeBob intro have in common?
Are you ready kids?
What are the similarities between an orphan and a newborn plant?
Both their parents were separated.
Why were the Twin Towers scared at dinner?
Because their mom said, "Here comes the airplane!"
How do you know when an orphan is lying?
When they say, "I swear on my mother's life."
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have no one to call "Daddy."
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?
Cause it's a family company.
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.
One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."
The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"
The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."
So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.
"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."
The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"
The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."
The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
Teachers at a school shooting be like: damn it. That's the third one this week and it's only Monday.
A guy starts chatting to a pretty woman at a party.
Seeing that she didn't back off, he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. "That's a nice name," he said, warming up the conversation. "Who named you, your mother?"
"No, I named myself," she answered.
"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"
"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said, looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.
‘BJ Titsngolf’
