Worst Jokes Ever

Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.

I should probably stop making jokes about bulimia. They just leave a bad taste in my mouth.

“Life is going swimmingly,”

“Tell that to Whitney Houston.”

Your hairline is receding so hard, they petitioned it to change for the McDonald's logo.

Your forehead is so big, they used it for the Berlin Wall and the USA border.

You're so skinny that a Wi-Fi signal is stronger.

What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?

A kitchen chair! Your momma sits in it for lunch, and your dad only manages to reattach one of the two legs that broke off by evening.

Cheer for fun on the telephone and singing, "We are family!" Even then, your dad, really, he's fat, just like your dad. And your mom's fat ass, b**** ass, looking like an Oompa Loompa self, looking like an ugly.

No matter how lonely you get, you have Explain Bear.

Explain Bear is always there for you.

I don't beat up midgets.

That would be punching down.

How can you tell if your husband is dead?

The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.

I tried having a three-way with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three-body problem.

Your teeth are so yellow, when you smile, you put the sun out of business.

Friend A: Do you like Wendy's?

Friend B: Yes, why?

Friend A: Wen-dez nuts in your mouth!

What did the farmer say to the doll?

You death baby doll.

I would make a joke about fat people, but they already have enough on their plate.

One like = more from me to you. 👊

I went to school on a Saturday. My teacher asked why I am here, so I replied that my brother told me to go to hell.

Are you a builder, because you give me an erection.

Me: Truth or dare?

Crush: Dare.

Me: I dare you to give me your phone number.

Crush: Umm nevermind, truth.

Me: Ok, what is your phone number?