Tool jokes

What's worse than locking your keys in the car in front of an abortion clinic?

Having to go back inside and ask to borrow a hanger.

What does Drake call his rake?

Da-Rake.

I will always remember my uncle's last words, "What's the shovel for?"

Trust your calculator. It's something to count on.

What did Santa use as a candy cane?

Wait, wait, I said it wrong.

Okay.

What did Santa use to do his garden...never mind.

Dcexcedcrd.

A jumping cable walked into a bar and the bartender said,

"I will serve you, but don't start anything!"

How do you fit 53 babies into a box?

First get a blender...

Where do sheep go to shop? Shears.

Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.

I made sure it didn't outsmart me.

How do you get ten babies in a bowl?

A blender.

How do you get them out?

Doritos.

My new leaf blower doesn't work. It sucks.

My family is like treasure. I need a map and shovel to find them.

You're like a vacuum cleaner. Why? Because you suck.

You know the drill, but do you know the hammer? Hah, nailed that one.

But I also think I screwed it up.

666 + 420 + 911 + 21 = ?

Do it in calculator.

What's better than throwing dead babes?

Catching them after with a pitchfork.

The shovel was a groundbreaking invention.

I will never forget my Grandpa's last words: "What are you doing with that rope and saw?"

I really need jokes for my Atom bookmark project :3