Tool jokes
What is small, red, and sitting in the corner?
A baby playing with a scalpel.
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer, the other is just a watermelon.
What's worse than locking your keys in the car in front of an abortion clinic?
Having to go back inside and ask to borrow a hanger.
What does Drake call his rake?
Da-Rake.
I will always remember my uncle's last words, "What's the shovel for?"
Trust your calculator. It's something to count on.
What did Santa use as a candy cane?
Wait, wait, I said it wrong.
Okay.
What did Santa use to do his garden...never mind.
Dcexcedcrd.
A jumping cable walked into a bar and the bartender said,
"I will serve you, but don't start anything!"
How do you fit 53 babies into a box?
First get a blender...
Where do sheep go to shop? Shears.
Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.
I made sure it didn't outsmart me.
How do you get ten babies in a bowl?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
Doritos.
My new leaf blower doesn't work. It sucks.
My family is like treasure. I need a map and shovel to find them.
You're like a vacuum cleaner. Why? Because you suck.
You know the drill, but do you know the hammer? Hah, nailed that one.
But I also think I screwed it up.
666 + 420 + 911 + 21 = ?
Do it in calculator.
What's better than throwing dead babes?
Catching them after with a pitchfork.
The shovel was a groundbreaking invention.