Tool

Tool Jokes

Santa

What did Santa use as a candy cane?

Wait, wait, I said it wrong.

Okay.

What did Santa use to do his garden...never mind.

Cable

A jumping cable walked into a bar and the bartender said,

"I will serve you, but don't start anything!"

Knife

Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.

I made sure it didn't outsmart me.

Baby

How do you get ten babies in a bowl?

A blender.

How do you get them out?

Doritos.

Hammer

You know the drill, but do you know the hammer? Hah, nailed that one.

But I also think I screwed it up.

Babe

What's better than throwing dead babes?

Catching them after with a pitchfork.

Word

I will never forget my Grandpa's last words: "What are you doing with that rope and saw?"

Pedophile

What type of file do you need to turn a 14 centimeter hole into a 40 centimeter hole?

A pedophile.

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  • Shovel

    My mom gave me a golden shovel and a hoe. I said, "Why do I need this?" She said, "That you every year."

    Mother

    I'll never forget my mother's last words: "What are you doing with that sledgehammer?"