Tool jokes
I'll never forget my mother's last words: "What are you doing with that sledgehammer?"
How many people does it take to change a lightbulb underwater? The results are shocking!
What do you call a baby with red curry fried hair?
A baby using a potato peeler and a comb.
Have you heard of the invention of the shovel? It's groundbreaking!
What did one needle say to the other?
"You be looking sharp!"
What type of file does it take to turn a 4 mm hole to a 44 mm hole?
A pedophile.
How do you punish Helen Keller?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
What’s bad about swinging a dead baby above your head?
Stopping it with the shovel!
The shovel is a ground breaking invention.
*Slaps and laughs*
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them, with fuck.
The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking.
What happened when a hammer punished the nail?
He hit him.
A man walking on his roof, carrying an axe. He drops it on someone below him and says, "Sorry, it was an axe-cident!"
What kind of file turns a 5mm hole into a 3cm hole?
A pedo-file.
Q: What's the best part about gardening?
A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
How do you get 100 babies in the back of a pick up truck? Blender.
How do you get them back out? Straw.
My pencil sharpener broke, so now my pencil is pointless.
How do you fit 15 babies into a shoe box?
A blender.
How do you get them out of the shoe box? A straw.
Do you have a shovel in your back pocket?
Why?
'Cause I’m digging that ass.
How do you cut the sea in half?
With a sea-saw.