Tool jokes
What do cutting boards and a suicidal teen's wrist have in common?
They both have cutting marks.
I lent my calculator to a friend. He is using it to this day.
What is the leader of the school supplies?
The ruler!
I knew a guy who used to sell wrenches. He was all torque.
A kid and his dad went to the park. The kid accidentally steps on a cockroach.
They go home immediately and dad gets the scissors. Now the kid has some balls to play with.
I remember my grandfather's last words:
"Are you holding the ladder?"
Write 317537 on your calculator and turn it over to spell "Leslie."
I'll always remember my dad's last words... "Why do you have an axe? We live in the city!"
I still remember my granddad's last words,
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
What do you call an alligator with a magnifying glass?
An Investigator.
How does a cow do math?
With a cow-culator!
How do you fit a hundred babies into a small bucket?
With a blender.
What did the knife say to the other knife?
"Knife to meet you."
We have invented the spade! This is groundbreaking!
"We've invented the spade!"
"Oh wow, this is ground-breaking!"
How do you count cows with a cowculator?
What did the wire say to the electrician?
"Stop twisting my nuts!"
I’ll never forget my grandpa's last words to me...
“Are you still holding the ladder??”
What is small, red, and sitting in the corner?
A baby playing with a scalpel.
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer, the other is just a watermelon.