Told jokes

My dad told me and my sister to stop arguing, so I threw her out the window instead.

Yo' mama is so stanky, her Sure deodorant got confused and her Secret deodorant told on her.

I told my brother if he wanted to have a wonderful first day of school, then he should put a cookbook in the women's sports section at the school library.

Woman one: "I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell!"

Woman two: "Did that work?"

Woman one: "Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house."

My gf told me I have to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.

My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.

I told a kid in a wheelchair, "Use your nitro boosts!"

My sis came up to me and said, "Mom told me to take the trash out for the rest of the year."

"So, uh, you free tomorrow?" 😂

So I walked into my bathroom to clean some stuff, and no one ever told me you can't put phones in the bathtub!

I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.

Doctor: You need new glasses.

Patient: How'd you know? I haven't even told you what is wrong with me yet.

Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window.

Yo mama is so fat and old, when Jesus said "Let there be Light!" he told your mama to move out of the way!

Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."

*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"

Dark humor jokes about orphans are funny because no parents are gonna be told.

This homeless lady called me ugly, so I told her, "Okay, then I'm going home."

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.

I met a baseball player, so I told him to make a home run, and he just looked at me with sadness. I don't know why.

By the way, he was an orphan.

Yo mama so dumb, she got hit by a cup and told the police she got mugged.

A kid tell me he was gonna f**k my mom on Fortnite! So I told him I was gonna double pump his mom until she was wet like moisty meyers.

Like if you're not a gay.

Dislike if you're furry.

Repost if you HATE blacks.

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I told her "I love you." She said, "I love me too."