Told Jokes

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

My dad told me a story today his mom my grandma said if a bird gets in ur house someone will die . That day a humming bird got in his U.P.S truck and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer 😭😭😭😭😭 6 weeks later she died .😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

If someone told me to bring up 9/11. They were trying to make a funny joke but it didnt work. That one really *crashed and burned*

Guy it was so weird yesterday I saw a guy and he kept repeating the same thing over and over I hate people with dementia I told my mom to get a new mirror but she she won’t listen to me it’s almost like I sand it like 20 times every time I say it

So I was playing on my phone and my mom said to go and take the trash out so I pick up my sister and threw her in the garbage bin and said”mom told me to” and when I came back in my mom said not to do that every again but then I told her that she says not to lie so I was doing the right thing👍

i thought i told u the lock up when i left this morning this is why our shit gets stolen all the time

n 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio. Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States. “Father, where is the United States,” Hans asked. His father pointed at a map of North America. “Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be,” he questioned his father. The man pointed towards the Soviet Union. “And I’m told we’re also at war with the British Empire. Where is that?” The father pointed out all of the territories owned by the British. “Where is Germany again, Father?” He pointed to their home country in Central Europe. Hans pondered this information for a second. “One last question, Father.” “Yes?” “Has Hitler seen this map?”

One day i told a kid what 2 x 12 was he said he didn't know i said lets go to my basement and figure it out he is still in my basement trying to do the equation

My sis came up to me and said " mom told me to take the trash out for the rest of the year " "so uhh you free tomorow?" 😂

My friend told me she had a good joke and it beat all mine. I said "haha that is funny"

My parents told me that when they had sex, it was absolutely shambles. Thankfully, it turned out that they were real balls.

I told me Mum will u remember me in 6 mins 6 hours 6 years she said ye nock nock I said my mum who’s there u didn’t remember me

I told this knock knock joke to Helen Keller...

Me: Knock Knock Her:

My mom told me to recycle the trash. I guess I’m taking you for another bike ride!

my mom told me to get dress and i said for we are going to the rodeo