Told jokes

I told my friend to fly a plane,

But he threw a ramp off a roof.

If I told you Jeremy Palacios was not GAY!

I'd be a liar.

I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

She looked at me surprised.

(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as a helix ruler.)

I told my sister a Dairy joke.

She said it was cheesy.

I was the manager at a McDonald’s in Turin when I saw Penaldo walk in and submit a job application. I asked him to show me his skills and experience, but he just started diving and asking for pens and tap-ins. I was confused until Penaldo told me that’s all he knows how to do.

Friend: Why did you touch me?

Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.

I told a blonde she needed gas for her car, and she farted into the gas tank.

"I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist.

He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."

One day I walk up to an emo kid. I realized he had a fresh cut, so I grab my hand and slap his wrist and told him, "I like ya cut, G!"

Child: Mom, someone told me you talk like an owl.

Teacher: Who?

Child: Oh, it is true, you do talk like an owl!

Yo mama is so old, I told her to act her age, and she died.

My enemy told me I’m adopted, so I told him at least I got adopted.

Me on my way to the principal's office after the trans kid told me to act my age, so I told him to act his gender.

A blind man once told me he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward to. Well, let's just say that I see his point.

Somebody told me to go to hell, so I walked up to Donald Trump.

Why was the orphan so successful?

When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.

Some kid in a wheelchair called me fat.

I told her, "Do a wheelie!"

Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."

*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"

Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?

Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.