Told jokes

I told a blonde she needed gas for her car, and she farted into the gas tank.

One day I walk up to an emo kid. I realized he had a fresh cut, so I grab my hand and slap his wrist and told him, "I like ya cut, G!"

"I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist.

He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."

Child: Mom, someone told me you talk like an owl.

Teacher: Who?

Child: Oh, it is true, you do talk like an owl!

Yo mama is so old, I told her to act her age, and she died.

Somebody told me to go to hell, so I walked up to Donald Trump.

I told my therapist I feel suicidal. He charged me in advance.

I told AI to talk dirty to me. It started describing my browser history.

I told my friend to look at the clock, then I said, "Is this a bad time?"

My reverse psychologist told me I didn't have it in me to make a recovery.

Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."

There was a girl called Millie, and she had sexy blond hair, and she wanted to chase me, but I told her she had to catch me first if she loves me.

My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.

I told her to keep her chins up.

Yo mama so ugly, when she went to an ugly contest, they told her, "No pros allowed."

Why did the blonde have sex with a Mexican?

Her teacher told her that she had to do an essay.

I went fishing with my grandpa, and my fishing line caught the attention of a school of fish. I told him to get my gun.

A black man said, "Where are the young ones?"

Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.

Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.

My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.

A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”

“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”

At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”