Told jokes

My enemy told me I’m adopted, so I told him at least I got adopted.

"I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist.

He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."

One day I walk up to an emo kid. I realized he had a fresh cut, so I grab my hand and slap his wrist and told him, "I like ya cut, G!"

I told a blonde she needed gas for her car, and she farted into the gas tank.

Child: Mom, someone told me you talk like an owl.

Teacher: Who?

Child: Oh, it is true, you do talk like an owl!

Yo mama is so old, I told her to act her age, and she died.

Me on my way to the principal's office after the trans kid told me to act my age, so I told him to act his gender.

A blind man once told me he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward to. Well, let's just say that I see his point.

Somebody told me to go to hell, so I walked up to Donald Trump.

Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."

Hey, you know what I told the kid in a wheelchair?

I told him to be a stand-up comedian!

I saw a girl crying. I told her, "Where are your parents?" She cried more after that. I got kicked out of the orphanage.

Our teacher told us to write a story about the life of an object that's not alive, so I wrote a story about an emo kid.

JFK tried meditating. He told everyone he is very open-minded.

I told my wife to embrace her mistakes.

So she gave me a hug.

"Your mum has very small balls. Congrats! I told her, your balls are bigger than your husband's."

My mom told me to go to bed, but then I grabbed a drink and went in their room to say goodnight, and they looked like Adam and Eve on steroids!

I told my friend you should definitely quit smoking, but he could not find me because he was already up in flames.

Teacher told me to turn in my essay, but I ain't no snitch, fool.

So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.