Told jokes

What did the woman say when I told a rape joke?

"I don't get it."

I called my mom on Alexa, and she told me, "Please take out the trash." I said, "But I can't, you're not here."

My friend's emo. I told her to play jump rope with me. She hanged herself. Lol.

I saw some kid following me, so I told him to go back to his family.

Orphan: "What family?"

The annoying orange told the annoying, insecure, beta bitch orange that he wants to be the most annoying thing on Earth again.

I told my sister a Dairy joke.

She said it was cheesy.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

She looked at me surprised.

(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as a helix ruler.)

I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer.

My girlfriend said she wanted to be pampered. I told her I wasn't into diaper fetishes.

Friend: Why did you touch me?

Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.

I was the manager at a McDonald’s in Turin when I saw Penaldo walk in and submit a job application. I asked him to show me his skills and experience, but he just started diving and asking for pens and tap-ins. I was confused until Penaldo told me that’s all he knows how to do.

My enemy told me I’m adopted, so I told him at least I got adopted.

I told a blonde she needed gas for her car, and she farted into the gas tank.

"I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist.

He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."

Me on my way to the principal's office after the trans kid told me to act my age, so I told him to act his gender.

One day I walk up to an emo kid. I realized he had a fresh cut, so I grab my hand and slap his wrist and told him, "I like ya cut, G!"

Yo mama is so old, I told her to act her age, and she died.

Child: Mom, someone told me you talk like an owl.

Teacher: Who?

Child: Oh, it is true, you do talk like an owl!

A blind man once told me he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward to. Well, let's just say that I see his point.

Somebody told me to go to hell, so I walked up to Donald Trump.