My friend has glasses, and we were talking about owls, and I told my friend to give an owl glasses. I told my friend that it'd be a spectacled owl!
Told Jokes
Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.
I caught my wife this morning gazing at our marriage license of long ago that hangs upon our wall with tears in her eye!
Almost got teary eyed myself until she told me she was only looking for the expiration date!
So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.
I told my friend you should definitely quit smoking, but he could not find me because he was already up in flames.
I met a baseball player, so I told him to make a home run, and he just looked at me with sadness. I don't know why.
By the way, he was an orphan.
I saw a girl crying. I told her, "Where are your parents?" She cried more after that. I got kicked out of the orphanage.
"Your mum has very small balls. Congrats! I told her, your balls are bigger than your husband's."
My dad is really angry at me for kicking the balls. He's the one that told me always aim for them. Is that why I don't have a brother?
My mom told me to go to bed, but then I grabbed a drink and went in their room to say goodnight, and they looked like Adam and Eve on steroids!
A guy told me, "Nothing rhymes with orange."
So I replied, "No, it doesn't."
I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!
Our teacher told us to write a story about the life of an object that's not alive, so I wrote a story about an emo kid.
JFK tried meditating. He told everyone he is very open-minded.
I told my wife to embrace her mistakes.
So she gave me a hug.
Hey, you know what I told the kid in a wheelchair?
I told him to be a stand-up comedian!
Teacher told me to turn in my essay, but I ain't no snitch, fool.
I bullied a kid in a wheelchair. I told him to stand up for himself.
My son's into astromancy asked me how do stars die, so I told him, "Usually on overdose, son."
Why was the orphan so successful?
When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.
