Told Jokes

Why did the author go to the emergency room? -- His editor told him he needed an appendix removed.

I threw a lamp at an emo kid and told him to lighten the f*ck up.

i'm a pilot and my boss told me to fly people to new york so i flew them to new york and hit the towers that was a tragic story

This Anorexic girl wanted to fight me I told her that I would roast her but she didn't have any meat

My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.

My friend wanted to say egg puns, so I told him Omelette you do your egg jokes.

Kid: where do i put this ppr? teacher: i already said go ask ur neighbors. Kid: Ok *walks home to his neighbors house* Kid: hey neighbor i didn't know where to put this ppr and my teacher said to ask you do you know? Neighbor: no sorry i dont kid: okay bye! *kid walks back to school.* kid: teacher my next door neighbor didn't know. teacher: uhh you went home?! kid: yes you told meh to! teacher: i meant at school! kid: ohhhhhh! teacher: DUH!

went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.

She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."

i saw some kid following me some i toled him to go back to his family orphan: what famliy

I called my mom on Alexa and she told me "please take out the trash" and I said "but I can't ur not here

If i told you Jeremy Palacios was not GAY!

I'd be a liar.

I told my friend to fly a plane,

But he threw a ramp of a roof

I told my dad, " I just thought of something funny." He said, ..." Your face?"

I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer