Told jokes

My mom told me that Africans don't have food, so I shipped my fat-ass brother.

Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven't heard from him since.

I just had the worst gig of my life! I told yo mama jokes at the orphanage.

Arab rizz. Are you a tower? Because I wanna blow you up and don't let your friend know about this. Rashid, I told you not to blow it up, I had it.

The greatest Arab pilot, my grandfather.

I told my kids to smile with the monkeys in the open zoo.

They never got together at all.

My dad told me and my sister to stop arguing, so I threw her out the window instead.

Just told Putin to get some b*tches.

Waiting for 3801 missiles to strike my house.

So, my mom was talking to me and told me to go to the store. When I get there, there’s a sign, but then someone tells me that’s just someone with a ginormous forehead.

I told some orphan that you can see your family, but I meant Spider-Man: Homecoming...

The other day my wife told me to pass her her lipstick, but I accidently passed her a glue stick... she still isn't talking to me.

I told this man to rev his vehicle.

Didn't know wheelchairs can't rev.

My sister told me she liked Medusa.

I said, "Huh?"

My sister said my blow jobs are so good she looks up at the guy's facial expression, and when they look down, they do nothing but stay still.

Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.

My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.

I was walking to the store, and then this boy told me, "I'm an orphan and I have no money." He wanted M\&Ms. I gave him a family-sized bag.

I asked my dad, "Are we there yet?" and he told me, "Don't worry, son, it will be a short ride!"

What happens when an orphan is told that someone had found their parents?

They cry...

They scream... with joy.

"Oh wait, no, that wasn't your parents."

Orphan grabs a knife out of the kitchen, lets just say, the orphan didn't live to tell the tail...

When we told Twin Towers to put on airplane mode, we didn't mean a real airplane.

I made a joke about putting babies in the microwave and got told I was a disgusting person.

So from now on I’ll only make baby in the deep fryer jokes.

Mom: It's time for sleep.

Baby: Is that what you think, huh?

Mom: *gives baby pacifier*

Baby: Nice try, hobo.

Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.

*few hours later*

Baby: *still awake*

Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!

Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.