Toe

Toe jokes

Height

Store owner: You have to be 40 inches tall to go into the adult section.

Kid: Please.

Store owner: Oh okay, but get on your tippy toes.

Kid: Everybody is hugging.

Grandpa

My grandpa lost his toe today. 😔

Nvm, we found it. It's in his TOEtruck.

Uncle

This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.

Mitosis

What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his foot?

Mitosis!!! (my-toe-sis)

Letter

Touch your toes and hold them. Then spell "run." It will say, "r.u.n."

Memes

Sand

would you mind upvoting my art please https://malmal.io/u/skilllevel0

The text 'I stuck my toes in the warm and grainy sand.' is displayed on a black background.

Ass

Yo ass so fat that you can't see your toes.

When you go to the movies, you take up seven rows.

Beach

Wash It Away - By Bradley Lewis(watersharky) and Ben Lewis and Watersharky Music Productions - Why does it always feel like I'm the one that's had a bad day?

Whether I'm stuck in traffic or showing up to work late,

Oh this 9 to 5 feels like 9 to forever been working all week

For a jerk that thinks they can say whatever they want to me

I'll just bite my tongue for a couple more days

Soon I'll be in that island sun surfing those waves

I need the beach I love the ocean

Put my feet in the sand

Watch the earth in motion

Ya had a bad week ya had a bad day

Take it to the shoreside and wash it away

Oh yeah

You gotta wash it away

Finally I'm here and I can't even stop myself from smiling

Somebody hand me a beer and I'll check the girls on the island

Don't miss my 9 to 5

Living like a local on this island time

I got those sandy toes and nobody knows jump in the ocean and just go with the flow

I'll miss my sandy toes

I've got to go back before you know this island is my home

I need the beach I love the ocean

Put my feet in the sand

Watch the earth in motion

Ya had a bad week ya had a bad day

Take it to the shoreside and wash it away

Oh yeah

You gotta wash it away

Wash it away

I need the beach I love the ocean

Put my feet in the sand

Watch the earth in motion

Ya had a bad week ya had a bad day

Take it to the shoreside and wash it away

Oh yeah

You gotta

Wash it away

Wash it away

Friend

I was staying over at my friend's; for the purpose of the joke, he shall be called Kian. It was 03:00 am and everyone else was asleep when I heard a soft banging on the wall. I left the room to inspect it. Kian lived with his grandad John Hauge; it was thought he had a huge slong.

The banging was getting louder, and so too was my heartbeat. I opened John's door and ventured into the room. John was fully naked. There was a glory hole through the wall where I could make it Kian's ass. This is what I have been waiting for. I rip off my shorts, which Ali G bought for me, and silently moved towards John. I shoved [my] 1-inch wonder in his ear. John furiously turned around and slapped me with his cock, "You little gimp, get on the bed."

Kian came in the room with a 2-litre bottle of Irn Bru. He demanded, "What the fudge are you doing?"

I replied smoothly, "Kian, you tracksuit warrior, you have a camel toe!"

Kian fires back, "Shut it, Paul, you have genital warts!"

John screams, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

He then gives us it so rough I can't walk the next day, but [I] feel pleasured for eternity.

By Lewis

  • 3
  • Cat

    What did the cat say when she stubbed her toe?

    "(Me)owwww!"

    Song

    This song is just like how my life is and how my girlfriend left.

    - Do Re Mi- By- blackbear

    Do, re, mi, fa, so

    (Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh)

    Do, re, mi, fa, so

    (Yeah, yeah, yeah)

    Yeah, if I could go back to the day we met

    I probably would just stay in bed

    You run your mouth all over town

    And this one goes out to the sound

    Of breakin' glass on my Range Rover

    Pay me back, or bitch it's over

    All the presents I would send

    Fuck my friends behind my shoulder

    Next time, I'ma stay asleep

    I pray the Lord my soul to keep, oh

    And you got me thinkin' lately

    Bitch, you crazy

    And nothing's ever good enough

    I wrote a little song for ya

    It go like

    Do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, girl

    So fuckin' done with all the games you play

    I ain't no Tic-Tac-Toe

    Send the X and O's on another note

    I'm do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, baby

    So send the X and O's on another note, I'm ghost

    (Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh)

    If I could go back to the day we met

    I probably would've stayed in bed

    You wake up everyday and make me feel like I'm incompetent

    Designer shoes and Xanax tabs

    Compliments your make-up bag

    You never had to buy yourself a drink

    'Cause everybody want to tap that ass sometime

    And you got me thinkin' lately

    Bitch, you crazy

    And nothing's ever good enough

    I wrote a little song for ya

    It go like

    Do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, girl

    So fuckin' done with all the games you play

    I ain't no Tic-Tac-Toe

    Send the X and O's on another note

    I'm do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, baby

    So send the X and O's on another note, I'm ghost

    (Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh)

    I wrote a little song for you, it go like

    Do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, girl

    So fuckin' done with all the games you play

    I ain't no Tic-Tac-Toe

    Send the X and O's on another note

    I'm do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, baby

    So send the X and O's on another note, I'm ghost

    (Yeah, yeah, yeah)

    Do, re, mi, fa, so

    (Yeah, yeah, yeah)

    So send the X and O's on another note, I'm ghost

    Tow

    If you park your tow truck on the footpath, it'll get towed.

    Table

    As I’m lying down on the table for a radiation treatment, a small angel lands on one shoulder, a tiny devil on the other shoulder. And then the mind game begins:

    Angel: This won’t last long. You are perfectly lined up. The treatment only lasts a few mins. Remember, stay absolutely still.

    Devil: Did she just twitch?

    Angel: No. She didn’t twitch.

    Devil: I think I saw her finger twitch.

    Angel: Well, even if it did, it’s her thigh the techs are aiming at.

    Devil: She wants to scratch her face.

    Angel: Stop it! She can handle staying still a few minutes.

    Devil: But her cheek has an itchy spot.

    Angel: She can just let it itch. She doesn’t need to scratch every itch. She will just have to think about something else.

    Devil: Wow...that cheek is really itchy...

    Angel: Think about: Flowers. Acrylic painting. Did the trash get picked up this morning? Her grandson Oliver’s smile...

    Devil: How about a song?

    Angel: Good idea!

    Devil: How about... “Never going to give you up. Never going to let you down....”🎶

    Angel: OMG! You just Rick-rolled her! She’s in the middle of a treatment! You know that’s the only part she knows!

    Devil: That’s okay. She’ll just repeat the words she knows over and over and over and....

    Angel: Don’t be so mean!

    Devil: “Never going to give you up...🎶”

    Angel: Stop it!

    Devil: Her toe! Her big toe! Did you see that? She just twitched it!

    Angel: No, she didn’t.

    Devil: I bet it screwed up the test and they have to start over....

    Angel: She didn’t screw anything up!

    Devil: She totally screwed the test up and they were more than halfway done. If they start over at the beginning, she will get too much radiation, and they will end up slicing her whole leg off!

    Angel: That’s not how it works...

    Devil: Or they just stop all together and she only gets a partial treatment and her tumor won’t get enough radiation.

    Angel: They know what they are doing!

    Devil: ...And it won’t shrink the tumor and the whole thing fails. And the doctor will have to amputate her leg.

    Angel: No! No! No! That’s not how any of this...

    Devil: ...And when they amputate, it will be at the hip and not below the knee because the tumor is in her thigh.

    Angel: Stop this right now!!

    Devil: “Never going to give you up....🎶”

    Angel: Stop!

    Devil: “...never going let you down....🎶”

    Angel: I’m not going to let you...

    Devil: “Never going to give you up...🎶”

    Techs: Okay. That’s it, Tammi! We are finished! How are you doing?

    Tammi: ...Oh, I’m fine.....

    Orphan

    Why did the Orphan punch the other orphan?

    Because the orphan broke his leg then had to get a retirement fund, so then he farted and got 1m dollars in cash, so then he started eating his toe jam and thought it tasted really good, so he started selling it to Taco Bell, then ate a cow. All the sudden he was attacked by hangry aliens then gave them some toe jam. They loved it, so they farted there way back up to space where they were eating Harold's fresh toe jam. It was so good, then one of the aliens ate there dog, so had to go the dollar tree to get it out then started gagging on one of the aliens' 2 meter defeater, and then the Orphan made out with the other Orphan and had a wedding at playground sharting happily ever after.