Time jokes

One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"

So one time I was with my girlfriend, crazy, right? But we were doing a TikTok eye follow challenge, and she pulled up a pic of Gwen Stacy from Into the Spider-Verse, and I looked somewhere I shouldn’t have, and she smacked me, and I changed to the Rock, and you know where she looked? WTF, right in the no-no square, and since she was a girl, all I could do was sit back and watch.

Pigeons can be annoying at times, especially when their bones get stuck in-between your teeth.

Why are people in Japan always skinny?

Because last time there was a "Fat Man", a whole city disappeared.

What did Al-Shehhi say to Mohamed Atta?

"We are on time!"

Me and a person downtown.

Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night.

Me: I guess so.

Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this?

Me: I don't know. I used to, but don't anymore.

Person: Why'd you stop?

Me: Unfortunately, I lived every time I'd try something.

You're so fat, every time you go in the elevator, it goes down.

I traveled through time to get my dad back.

I failed because I was 1e21 years off.

Teacher to Student: You are supposed to be here at 9 am!

Student: Oh, did I miss anything?

"My love, I missed you."

"Aww, I missed you too."

"I did not miss *that* time!"

My mom: "Dear, I don't know why your grandma is spending more time with her friend Carla, can you spy on her?"

Me: "Your mom gay lol."

My mom: "Don't talk about your grandma like that, you rude girl."

You: "Your mom gay lol."

Me and my friend went to the park. After a while, we grabbed our little princess and said, "It's time to go, sweetie." But before we could go, someone said, "Stop them, they have my daughter!"

What did the skeleton say to his dog at dinner time? Bone appétit!

Why don't Pakis play football? Every time they get a corner, they build a shop.

I hope every time you watch YouTube, you get 30 second unskippable ads!

Why do some kids only experience 364 days per year?

Because they don't have a Father's Day.

One time I saw a manatee all spray painted to look like a tiger. Needless to say, the first thing I yelled was, "OH! THE HUMANATEE!"

Man from 2001 just called. They want a tower back.

What time is it?

How many times do you nut? It depends how hard you do it.