Time jokes
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
Yo mama is so old that her first Christmas was the first Christmas!
Two natives sit in the bar getting shit-faced.
Almost closing time, "Brother, you gonna snag?"
"Yeah, I'm taking her home."
He walks over, she gathers her things. Walking out together, he takes her to his car outback. They stay messing around then start having sex. He starts to get carried away. He looks down at her. She looks up at him and says, "Slow down, cousin, you're going too fast..."
Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar?
They don’t have fathers or Mother’s Day.
How many times does 43 go into 8?
Get in the van and find out.
Bro im 15 why do i feel so fucking old 😭
What goes up but never comes down? Your age. You have probably heard this joke before.
What time do dogs wake up? At school is the time dogs wake up.
Your mama is so fat, by the time I swerved to miss her with the car, I ran out of gas.
Why can't orphans go on vacation?
The last time they did, they fell in the toilet and had no one to help them out. Ugh!
How to make time fly?
Answer: Throw a clock out of the window.
I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
The terrorists suck at [something]. They lost two times to the Twin Towers? Like, how do you land so far from it? One of them landed in a field.
Man, everybody's birthday is this year! 🤦🏽♂️
What time do you call me tomorrow?
Why is 2020 the worst year? Because COVID-19!
How to learn your Vitamins:
A = Art.
B = Bouncy Balls.
C = Cookies.
D = Da Sun.
You'll be smarter than a doctor next time you visit!
My friend says, "Time flies when having fun," so when he was gaming, I threw his clock to test that theory.
Sometimes I look at my butt for a really, really long time, and suddenly it all becomes clear to me.
Why did the clock go out to the gazebo? To spend some time out.
"We make sexy time, yes, and every night I tap that."