Time jokes

A guy is at his locker, and a girl comes and says, "Hey, I love you."

He says, "Okay, cool." She then replies and says, "Well, what do you think about our love?" He says, "Count the stars."

Then she says, "Oh, infinity!" and he replies with, "Nope, it's just a waste of time."

Why do orphans only have 363 days in the year?

Because they don’t have a Mother's nor Father’s Day.

Is your name suicide because I think about you all the time?

My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.

When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.

Why does Japan not allow little boys to run?

Because the last time a little boy came, Japan lost a state.

My "choco" is too "late" for lunch.

A vagina is like the weather. Once it’s wet, it’s time to go inside.

I found the best GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-get-the-time-machine.

I can’t take credit for this joke; it’s not mine.

Remember that time Joe Biden fell off his bike? He said it’s not his fault. He blamed the tires for being too inflated.

Your hairline is so far back, it was in a different time zone on a flight with you.

One time I tried running to home, but I forgot I don't have one, so I stayed at third.

Yo mama's so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

Sans: I like eating ketchup, don't believe me? It's ASRIEL as it gets!

UT Sans to UT pap: You FORGHETTIE the spaghetti!!!

Ink sans: umm lust? That's INKAPPROPRIATE!

Fell sans: I hate these double standards...if you burn a body at a crematorium you're doing "a good job," do it at home and your "destroying evidence."

Error sans: Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.

The first time I heard your voice, my foreskin fell off.

Why can't homosexuals get car insurance?

They've been rear-ended too many times.

I diddled for a total of 67 times. I am the ultra Gooner. My cum is everywhere. I am the goon master.

Yo mama so old, she pre-ordered the Bible.

Today is the day, time for more jokes!

Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.

Condoms 99 percent effective.

Birth control 99 percent effective.

Etc.

Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)

Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?

Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!