Time jokes

I don't wanna brag, but I finished a puzzle in under a week, and it said 2-4 years on the box.

What type of people have the world record for most stories read in the shortest amount of time?

Emos, some of them are still in the air.

My mom tells me when I get into an argument with her that she brought me into this world and she can take me out. Sometimes I wanna tell her that I can do that for her.

Every time I make a 9/11 joke, it bombs.

I met Lebron James, and he was so bald at the time that I could count his hairs.

And that's 1 hair and maybe 2.

Being raped is like a dance; sometimes it hurts, sometimes it hurts more.

I have a joke about time travel, but I'm not gonna share it. You guys didn't like it.

Billy: Hey kid, why are you sad?

Orphan: Oh, I'm waiting for my parents.

Billy: Oh, and how long have you been here?

Orphan: About 200 years.

My hair goes just onto my collar bones. WOW! That's longer than I'll live.

Why do kids prefer to spend more time with their dad than their mom?

They already know that their dad is gonna get "Milk" and never return.

Being a police officer in Nunavut must be so fun. They get to play Cut the Rope on the job all the time!

I'm 17, right? Anyways, the other day my parents told me a joke they made 17 years ago, but they still haven't told the joke yet.

Obama, Trump, and Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and is going down.

Obama: "This is terrible! We've got to do something -- save the women and children!"

Trump: "Screw the women and children!"

Clinton: "Do you think we have time...?"

I got a PS5 for my nine-year-old sister. At the time, I thought it was the best trade I’d ever made. But now I’m regretting not being able to molest her anymore.

My mate caught me sniffing his disabled sister's knickers the other day. It wouldn't have been so bad, but she was wearing them at the time. It made the rest of the funeral so awkward.

So who did it? the I.S.S. teacher said.

1 hour before:

So let me get...

Random person: Wait, what? You BROKE UP WITH HER!

Me: I SWEAR, JHONNY, THIS IS THE 3RD TIME YOU BUTT INTO MY CONVERSATION! SO... HERE... YOU... GO! *punches*

TJ's hairline is so far back, if you travel back in time, you still won't find it.

Yo mama so fat, every time she measures her carbon footprint the website breaks.

Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping, and I was starving, so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times, but nothing new was in there.

Can anyone answer this riddle? Apparently this is the world's hardest riddle! Good luck 😝

“I turn polar bears white, and I will make you cry. I make guys have to pee, and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid, and normal people look like celebrities.”