Time jokes

I wanted to make a joke about clocks, but I got no time for that.

Is your hairline a time traveler, because it went way back?

What did the North Tower say to the South Tower in summer?

"Are you ready for fall?"

What did the clock do when it was hungry? It went back four seconds.

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.

So, my friend and I were talking this time. I asked them what they would do if they ever met Rengoku. They said that they would probably like shake his hand or something, but I said I would lick his forehead. Wtf?

A man is talking to his doctor after undergoing a whole range of tests to try and find out what’s wrong with him.

The doctor sits him down and says, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but the results are back, and I’m afraid it’s fatal.”

“Oh no!” exclaims the man, “How long do I have?”

“Ten,” says the doctor.

“What, years? Months?!”

“Nine...”

Ur mom was so fat that even Jon Brower Minnoch was ten times less fat.

A married woman asked her husband if he saw the future. The husband answered her, "I have no eye, dear."

Life lesson guys:

Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.

Orphans have 363 days on a calendar because they don't have Mothers' or Fathers' Day.

The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing someone's cast.

Why do orphans become criminals?

So they can become wanted for once.

"Like if u cry everytime."

I'm gonna finally put a stop to the fucking drama. I saw people bullying other people for years; Gwen was not the only one. No longer will I put up with this. No longer will newcomers. For God's sake, just do jokes! Please! If you want to bully someone, do it in your family! You people don’t even know each other, but we're still going through this same fucking shit every fucking day! Just make jokes, people! That is why it’s called “Worst Jokes ever” not “Bully people forever.” So shut the hell up and get to joking! Jesus! The only reason why I came here was to spread jokes and kindness like Gwen and others, not to spread hate and foolishness from people who don’t even know better things to do but to hate on stupid strangers from different parts of the fucking world!!!

“Addison, fuck off already, you're only 10 years old. What do you know?” I might be 10, but during my time here, the tragedies and horror I've experienced on this website have shaped me into someone more mature, able to share this wisdom. And if you're gonna laugh at me, spit in the face of me and my generous teachings, you will fall. I swear to God, I will make you wish you could never feel pain. But that would hurt me more than you. Please, stop the drama. That's all I ask. Together, we can make this website great again, like it once was.

Yo mama so old.

Her first Christmas... was the first Christmas!

I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.

A wise man once told me: "If you poke the bear in prison, the bear will happily return the favor when it's time to shower."

Why don't Indians play soccer?

Because every time they take a corner, they open up a shop.

One time I saw a kid crying, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at an orphanage!