Time jokes
I saw an ad that said, "By the time this ad is over, two identities would have been stolen." So, I did what I had to do and skipped the ad! You're welcome to the two people's identities I saved!
That autistic kid having sex for the first time:
"U The Hips, U The Hips!"
The FitnessGramTM Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20-meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.
Level 1 Feel it One Two Three Four Five Six Seven; end of level one.
My girlfriend said she's having a horrible time with her period. I ask her which one, but realize she's not talking about school...
We don't see each other very much.
When is a right time to dance on a body? If it is under the floorboards.
Dad: Son, I came back.
Son: Where is the milk?
Dad: Time for another 10 years.
If I had a genie grant me wishes, I wouldn't wish for a million pounds. I'd just wish that every time I buy something I just have the right amount of money in my pocket at the time.
So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time.
You see this guy's sense, bahh? If it was a cartoon, it would be an avatar. Cause why?
Anytime he needs it most, it vanishes. 😹💔
One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.
Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"
Why is being alive so expensive? I'm not even having a good time.
Why do orphans only have 354 days?
'Cause they are missing Mothers and Fathers day!
Your mom is so slow it took her 9 months to create a joke.
Lol, these jokes have been heard millions of times.
Who else liked the part in Morbius when he said his catchphrase "IT'S MORBIN' TIME" and MORBED over everyone? In my theater we had a standing ovation!
When I look at you, I wish I could meet you again for the first time... and walk past.
Me: What's the difference between me and my grandpa?
Friends: What?
Me: I've been alive for the past 14 years.
We sped up the cycle of life and death, we gave Eric and Dylan a shortcut.
In a thick Russian accent:
"Let's buy some vodka, pollute the earth with oil, and make insecure nuclear power plants that break all the time! Ah, yes. The mother land. A great place to be. Not like those stupid Ukrainian people who are living happy lives, they are crazy and need to die."
Why are Japanese always so skinny?
Cause last time there was a fat man, an entire city disappeared.