Time jokes
We should enjoy the present while it's here. Do you know why they call it the present? Because it's a gift.
A mother and her 7 year old child are walking in the grocery store. The young boy then screams to a random woman “you're an ugly bitch.”
The mother grabs her son and says, “I’m so sorry, I must have told him a thousand of times to not judge people on how they look."
An apple and an emo kid fall off a tree at the same time. Who hits the ground first?
The apple, because the emo kid got caught by the rope.
Stephen Hawking will be greatly missed for the time he walked this Earth.
If it's on the clock, it's old enough for the cock.
Bambi was calmly eating grass. All of a sudden, a red dot pointed near his heart caught his attention. He looked around anxiously, and he saw a man in camouflage. He whispered, "Time to join mother, Bambi!" Bambi knew what this meant. He ran. He heard a gunshot, followed by a wave of extreme pain. Bambi fell to the ground. He glanced at his leg, which was no longer attached to his body. The man in camouflage came up to him and stabbed him in the heart. Everything went black...
Face-Timing My Girlfriend:
"Hey girl! Are you a veterinarian? Because these puppies are sick!" *shows muscle*
Q: What’s the difference between me and you?
A: I’m not wasting my time reading this joke.
A son walks up to his dad and says, "Dad! I just had sex for the first time."
The dad goes, "Great! Wanna sit down and talk about it?"
The son says, "I can't sit right now, my butt is very sore."
I wanted to make a belt out of watches, then I realized it was a waste of time!
Astronomers got tired of watching the moon rotate around the earth for 24 hours, so they just called it a "day".
Your mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it said, "One at a time."
They are making a movie about clocks.
It’s about time.
X: Morning, sunshine!
Y: Oh, yeah. 30 minutes more.
What time are most dentist appointments? Tooth hurty.
Once there was a boat. Its friends said,
"It's time to come back." And the boat said,
"No way. I don't give into pier pressure."
I only listen to waltz 3/4 of the time.
As a hobby, I started taking walks around the old clock tower.
It's a great way to pass the time.
They said time heals all wounds, well, I broke your watch.
Yo mama is so fat, when she got on the scale it said, "One at a time, please."