Threat jokes

What if some kid was like, "I'm going to shoot up the school!", and then someone just pulls up with a reverse card?

Roses are red, violets are not lime, if you turn around, I will fist you anytime.

Unless Israel wants to become Hell Aviv, it would put itself on a tight leash, delivered specially from Uncle Sam.

"Fuck off for I killed him, bum bum."

A, B, C, D, E, F, G, I will kill your family.

A man broke into Stevie Wonder's house and threatened to kill his wife.

He just turned a blind eye.

Roses are red... blood is too... I wonder how blood would look on you.

So two dudes were at a bar and out of nowhere they hear, "Oi mate, talk to me like that again, I'm gonna shove this stick so far up your ass you'll look like a Popsicle."

If you don't like the video in 10 seconds, James Charles will sleep with you tonight.

I'll turn ya nan into bonemeal.

"I will kill you with knife and gun, get ready, Explain Bear, stupid f***."

Brian was shopping at a mall. He hopped onto an escalator. Next to him were two people having an argument. Eventually, one of them pulled out a pocket knife threatening to stab the other. Brian murmured "Well, that escalated quickly..."

My mom said if I'm awake playing Roblox still, she said she was going to bang my head against the keyboard. hxhdhduhxbsfj.

Living in Houston, Texas, and realizing that hurricanes are an annual threat, my ex-wife called me and asked what would be the safest route to get out of Houston to avoid a hurricane. My answer? Take the 610 loop, dear!

My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.

I’m not too worried—I think she’s jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.

Blitz: "HOLD ON! You better move that pussy wagon right now, or I’m gonna..."

Vortex: "You'll do what?"

Blitz: "Or I'll... uh... uh, I- I'll call HR!"

*Silence, then Verosika/me, Blitz, and Vortex bust into laughter. And then back to seriousness*

Verosika/me: "Anyway, meet my new Hellhound... Vortex. Unlike you, he actually does his job well." *leaves and flips Blitz off* "Ta-ta fuck stain."

If anyone's joke here says "burn in hell," I will mimic your account for the rest of your life.

I got a phone call from a guy labeled "assassin" saying my life will end soon. I seriously doubt that he w- *gunshot*

SCP-173 has breached containment. This is not a joke. Multiple Keter class SCPs have breached containment. This is an XK class event. Evacuate the Earth and solar system. The world is ending!

My mom told me to get off the computer or she will slam my head into the keyboard.

I don't think she lskdjfklsdjf.