Thought jokes

Yo mama so stupid that she thought Subway was a place where you buy subways.

You're so skinny, death mistook you for dead.

Why did the Twin Towers fall exactly at 9/11?

Because the terrorists thought that it would be fun to call 911 as a "prank."

My bestie: Are you dirty-minded?

Me: Do I have dirt in my mind? No.

"Yo mama so fat, she thought Saturn was deez nuts."

You've realized I exist? Huh, cool.

Why did the female orphan become a prostitute?

Because she wanted someone to call "daddy".

The day I saw people asking Lebron James whether he liked to play basketball, my thoughts be like: wait, so Lebron James is gay cuz he likes to play with them balls.

You're so ugly, your mother thought about setting you up for adoption.

Two guys were walking down the street, and one of the guys told his friend he could talk any blond in the world into giving him a blowjob, any blond!

So the guy bet him 20 bucks and pointed to this cute blond sitting on the side of the road and said, "Alright, let's see it!"

The other guy walks up to the cutie and says, "Hi, my name's Dave, and my doctor just told me that if I didn't get a blowjob from a blond within three hours, the disease I have will kill me in, oh, let's see now, 22 minutes!"

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "You mean I could save you from dying right now?" Then she says, "Pull it out!"

Ten minutes later, the two men were laughing and patting old Dave on the back when his friend noticed the blond sitting in the alley bawling her eyes out!

So he walks over to her and says, "I would have thought you would be so happy for saving my friend's life?!"

So she looks up at him just crying her eyes out even worse and says, "I could have saved my dad!"

A woman was sitting alone at a bar, and a man approached her. He asked her why she looked so sad. She responded that her boyfriend had just broken up with her because she was too kinky.

The man expressed his amazement when he admitted that his girlfriend had dumped him because of his fetishes. After a few drinks, they decided to go back to her place.

When they arrived, she told him to make himself comfortable while she freshened up. The man complied. After a long time, she burst open her bedroom door and said, "I hope you're ready!"

She stood in the doorway wearing a latex body suit and a gas mask. She had a whip in one hand, a flogger in the other hand, and a 12-inch strap-on dangling between her thighs.

The dude looked at her and said, "Thanks, but I'm good for the night!"

She said, "I thought you said that you were kinky."

The dude replied, "While you were in there, I f-cked your cat, pissed in your plants, and came on your curtains. It's been fun!"

These nine kids were being bullied by these 10 guys in an alley. So, I thought I would help.

It was 9/11 all over again.

I thought that kid was walking cool when I had my ears shut. It turns out he was moaning.

Why do people say "cheese" when they are taking a photo?

Because they were using the computer and thought about it.

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

Imagine.

Your forehead is so big that Mastermind thought you were his long lost brother!

Why do people think about handsome boys at night?

Because they're dreamy!

Anime is good, like for yes, dislike for no. Comments for thoughts.

During the election campaign of 2012, we heard about Obama, but we thought they said Osama. So I told my friend, "Grab his gun and let's have some fun." So during one of Obama's campaigns, we both shot him to death, which lasted a while.

Then my friend said, "Let's go get piss drunk at Mavericks bar." Then on TV they talked about Obama's death, and everybody but 2 guys cheered. Then guess what, we loaded our guns and lit those 2 guys up like we did to Obama.