Thought jokes

When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"

Have you ever had a friend who masturbated many times? I had one who did a lot, but he had no imagination... when he masturbated, he imagines his hand.

Are you a bullet? 'Cause you're stuck in my head.

He never has a bad day because he always wakes up on both sides of the bed.

When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.

So, she went to see the "You Should Be Shot" Photography Studio.

Jace: Haha, I won, dude. You suck at Monopoly!

Timmy: Let's play another game. *GUNSHOT* I guess I won!

Jace: *SCREAMS IN PAIN*

Timmy: What? I thought we were playing Chutes and Ladders!

Why did the mummy leave his tomb after 3000 years?

Because he thought he was old enough to leave home.

That is one of the very, very, very, very, VERY WORST jokes ever.

Sometimes I look back at everything bad I have done. I tell myself it's ok, they're just telling me to keep myself safe :)

That's it, it wasn't a joke.

Yo momma is so stupid, she saw an anime and started eating a live rabbit, and thought she would get powers!

Yo mama so fat, she thought "RAW MEN" was "RAMEN."

Why didn’t the emo attend her grandma’s funeral?

She thought her grandma was trying to flex.

Your mom is so dumb that she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.

I thought about making a necrophilia joke, but I knew it would be a DOA.

Your mom is so stupid that she thought LGBTQ was a sandwich.

A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up, and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up, so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”

I went home one day and see a few married guys in line in my sister's room. I ask what's going on, my sister is running a contest. The contest is the married guys lick her pussy and guess what she had for breakfast. The winner gets a free blowjob. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder that she thought that she made up that contest.

As I am from South Carolina, I just thought about something Jefferson Davis would have thought about:

"Them slaves taking credit for everything."

Teacher: What comes after C?

Me: Ooh! Ooh! C4!

Teacher: Umm, ok... but still what comes after A?

Me: AK47!!!

Teacher thought: Oh hell na.

Teacher: What comes after X?

Me: Xplosin.

1 second later, bomb goes off. Idk.

Yo mama is so stupid, she thought Instagram was a weed delivery service.

Have you ever thought about the fact that every market in Africa is a black market?