Thought Jokes

a surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery

boss: "we have to let you go."

surgeon: "I protest innocence."

boss: "how?"

surgeon: "I thought to do your job and saving people's lives were two different things."

boss: "get out"

I asked my dad , Why did you paint rabbits on your bald head? He replied, Because I thought it would look like hares

There were three people on the third floor of a building the first one took a bite of a apple then said it was too hard so he threw it out the window the second person took a bite of a lemon he said it was too sour so he threw it out the window the third guy was drunk, he took a bite of a grenade and thought it was to crunchy so he threw it out the window then one of them went downstairs he saw a dog laying on the ground dead the apple had hit the dog in the head then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap it had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head next there was a old guy laughing i asked him why he was laugh he said "i farted and the building behind me blew up".

I never knew the kid at School had Autism, I always just thought he was walking into cobwebs. 🤔

Man 1:Dude viagra is for pussys real men don’t need viagra Man 2: I thought viagra was for dicks

Yo Mama is so STUPID she thought the football team Rams were actually the animal Rams

your hairline is so ugly I thought you were Shrek

I just saw people writing Zoophile, Ailurophile, Dendrophilia in their bio, I thought this is cool but when I wrote Necrophile and Pedophile, Idk why people started hating me as I did something wrong, I was just trying to be cool as them man

Joe mama so hairy when she went to the movie theater the people thought she was chewbacca

Yo mamas so dumb she thought Bruno Mars was a planet

So I went to Comic-Con and saw a man with a arm missing and I thought cool display until I heard him screaming and getting the other chopped off then I said “ man now that’s a 10/10 display wow

I once auditioned to be in sausage party. I thought I filled the role well.

WTF IS HE BLOW DRYING?
PEL
HIS THOUGHTS?

A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast.

I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."

She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.

After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The ...bastard.....used .....coins"

Me and Jesus are really close he even turns the light on for me when i go pee in the middle of the, well that is what i thought until the fridge was wet.

So In revenge of the sixth when Anakin goes and kills the younglings I thought to myself hey it’s just another day in an American school

(To a mexican person) When i first met you I thought you were going to say,My name is enrique i have a job for you.

I told my dad, " I just thought of something funny." He said, ..." Your face?"

A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says"I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?" Man,"Sorry i thought it was the start of Eastenders"