Thought jokes

Jamal: Dads CAN grow on trees, Joseph.

Joseph: No, they don't.

Jamal: Yes, they do. I've seen it.

Joseph: ... that's not what you thought it was.

Suicidal thoughts aren’t nice, but nor is life. So why not get them both done and over with?

TIL Ariana Grande is actually a pop singer.

I thought it was a fancy coffee for white supremacists.

*WARNING* THIS WILL NEVER GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD - READ IF YOU DARE.....

What came first? The chicken or the egg?

Which came first? The color orange or the fruit?

Who taught the first ever teacher?

If you expect the unexpected, doesn't that make the unexpected expected?

If you describe something as 'indescribable', then haven't you already described it?

In the word 'scent', is the silent letter the 's' or the 'ce'?

Why do your lips touch when they say the word 'separate', but don't touch when you say the word 'together'?

How many photos do you think you could be in the background of?

The guy who discovered cow milk, what was he doing with that cow?

Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, "Oh no, it's a cop"?

Is it possible to cry underwater?

If two left handers have an argument, who is right?

I warned you!! You just didn't listen.... :O

In 2013, it was reported that China has lost around 28,000 rivers; over half of what they thought existed. Some say climate change is the cause, others say it’s their harsh, economic expansion that’s unapologetic to the environment.

My theory is that those 28,000 rivers were sold to underground river-sex trafficking.

One day, Little Johnny went to his grandma's house, and she asks, "Do you like nuts?"

Little Johnny says, "Yes, I like nuts."

His grandma says, "Okay then, grab them out of the cabinet." So Little Johnny went and grabbed them, and he was sad after he grabbed them. His grandma then says, "What's wrong?"

Little Johnny says, "I thought they were real nuts," and his grandma fainted.

"Knock Knock"

"Who's there?"

"9/11"

"9/11 Who?"

"I thought you'd never forget..."

Why did the policeman rape the woman? Because he thought rapists wouldn't be attracted to non-virgins.

Hi guys, I am so happy and proud of myself and I thought I should share with you! Today I saw myself on TV when I turned it off.

If you thought an inner-city black boy cannot transform into a deranged pale Karen... well, just look at Michael Jackson.

My mother caught me jerking off and she told me to leave it out. I didn't know what she was doing but she grabbed my cock and started sucking. Then I found out on porn she was doing deep throat.

A couple of weeks later my dad caught me jerking off, I thought he would deep throat, but he just walked up to me and slapped my boner. I cried for 5 hours. Luckily my mum gave me a sloppy joe afterwards.

I thought about making a necrophilia joke, but I knew it would be a DOA.

Yo mama so dumb that when she went to Starbucks, she thought she could buy a star.

Sometimes I look back at everything bad I have done. I tell myself it's ok, they're just telling me to keep myself safe :)

That's it, it wasn't a joke.

Yo momma is so stupid, she saw an anime and started eating a live rabbit, and thought she would get powers!

Yo mama is so fat, when she wore yellow, the kids thought they missed the bus.

Yo mama so fat, she thought "RAW MEN" was "RAMEN."

Your mom is so stupid that she thought LGBTQ was a sandwich.

Your mom is so dumb that she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.

Why did the mummy leave his tomb after 3000 years?

Because he thought he was old enough to leave home.

That is one of the very, very, very, very, VERY WORST jokes ever.