Think jokes

Kid walks in the door. "Mommy and Daddy, I'm home." Mommy and Daddy meanwhile in their room moaning. Kid runs to them thinking they're hurt and sees something he definitely shouldn't have.

10 minutes later, [he] kills himself.

Your sister is so stupid, she only thinks an onion will make people cry.

So I threw a coconut at her.

I'm gonna blow out your lungs faster than Joe Biden thinks is possible with a 9mm.

Are your ankles having a party? Because I think your pants should come on down.

Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."

You might think that tigers or lions are the best jumpers, but in my opinion, it's emos, because some of them are still in the air.

I was thinking of starting up a stair company, but there were too many steps to it.

New teacher: Everyone stand up if you think you are stupid.

Student: Stands up.

Teacher: Why did you stand up?

Student: I hate seeing you stand up there by yourself.

Your forehead so big you got to go outside to think.

I think I am a boomerang because I always come back to you.

I just did a test to see who my soulmate is, and it said "best friend." So I guess I am gay. I think so, WTF.

You could hold your breath for the rest of your life.

Think about it.

Alya, I need to talk to you now. If you don't reply, I will kermit the not living, and if you don't think I will, I will post your OnlyFans photos I get every month for $5.99 a week (high price if you ask me)!

Sometimes I look at someone I hate and think, "I hope you get laid tonight."

By a tweaker with AIDS.

Family all eating at the table.

Brother: "Hmm, I think I feel gold."

Sister: "Stop the cap."

Brother looks under the table and says, "Nope, just a gold digger."

Dad laughed.

Stepmom storms out of the room.

If you think vanilla and chocolate ice cream is just light and dark mode.

I don't think I could ever become a beggar. I really don't like change.

Lewandowski is so fast because whoever would think of adding an engine to him is a genius!

When I dunk my cookies in milk, I think of you. I hold them down until the bubbles stop.

In 2006 on 6/9, there was something called communication opportunity happened. On 6/9. 69. Coincidence? I think NOT.