What's thick, long, hard and has cum in it?
Cucumber. Lol. I love the way you think.
What's thick, long, hard and has cum in it?
Cucumber. Lol. I love the way you think.
What's a pirate's favourite letter?
(People will then say r)
Arrr, you think it be r but really it's the C that they love.
What's a pirate's least favourite letter?
Dear sir,
You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material and your internet will be cut off.
The Trump family are flying from New York to DC when Donald looks down on the cities below
Trump: I think Iāll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy Melania: Oh honey, why not throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten Americans happy? Ivanka: Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out the window and make 100 people happy Pilot: Why donāt you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?
A lady weightlifter goes to the doctor and says "doctor I have a confession". The doctor asks "what is that?" She replies, "I've been using steroids and....I think I've grown a penis". The doctor looks at her and asks "anabolic?" There's an awkward silence then she replies "no, just a penis".
Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other. She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a blowjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too fuckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf!"
So there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, what is one plus one? She said I HATE YOU. Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN! Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said 85 SMACK EM DOWN! Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, My buns are burning. Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principalās office. The principal yelled, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! Bobby said, NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN! The principal yelled, HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?! Then he said, 85 SMACK EM DOWN! Then he walked away from the principalās office and said, my buns are burning.
I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very EGGxiting, all though, I was EGGxaggerating, but, if you think that wasnāt funny to you, then your hard boiled, thatās all for today YOLKS, so I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a CATastrophe, these kittens were all like āYouāve gotta be KITTEN me.ā Mean while, in the ocean, they just waved, SEA what I did there? You SHORE you didnāt? Oh, alright, thatās okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too DEEP for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had NO BODY. Why didnāt the skeleton ask the girl out? He didnāt have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He B*NED her. No? Alright. Those didnāt make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.
What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?
Condoms!
Random person: Imma smack you so hard your skin pigment changes!
Me: Who the hell do you think you are? Michael Jacksonās dad?