Think jokes

I love sucking on food because if you really think about it, tits can be counted as food, so I could technically suck on a woman's tits.

Your hairline is pushed back; we can see what you are thinking of.

If you think of a president as your king, then the USA got checkmated on November 22nd, 1963.

Sometimes I look at someone I hate and think, "I hope you get laid tonight."

By a tweaker with AIDS.

I think about my life, and then I think about death. I prefer death. If you ask me, life is just a time when you die. Basically, death is life, meaningless 0-0.

New teacher: Everyone stand up if you think you are stupid.

Student: Stands up.

Teacher: Why did you stand up?

Student: I hate seeing you stand up there by yourself.

When I dunk my cookies in milk, I think of you. I hold them down until the bubbles stop.

I don't think I could ever become a beggar. I really don't like change.

Lewandowski is so fast because whoever would think of adding an engine to him is a genius!

You are like a software update. Whenever I see you, I immediately think, "Not now."

You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"

Then I start to think I was the problem :(

Just kidding, fuck that asshole!

Wayne Couzens, the police officer who killed Sarah Everard, has been complaining about receiving a whole life tariff for her murder...

I think he should count his blessings. He could have had it worse...

He could have married her!

What is the difference between men and women?

Men have 2 heads, women have 4 lips because men do all the thinking, and women do all the talking.

I'd like to have kids one day.

I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.

Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."

I'm gonna blow out your lungs faster than Joe Biden thinks is possible with a 9mm.

If you think vanilla and chocolate ice cream is just light and dark mode.

Your sister is so stupid, she only thinks an onion will make people cry.

So I threw a coconut at her.

Are your ankles having a party? Because I think your pants should come on down.

Kid walks in the door. "Mommy and Daddy, I'm home." Mommy and Daddy meanwhile in their room moaning. Kid runs to them thinking they're hurt and sees something he definitely shouldn't have.

10 minutes later, [he] kills himself.