A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find Jesus instead, he'll help you!"
And then the man says, "It's pretty hard to 'get help' from something that doesn't exist."
Sonic says... April 1st is the best day to do a school shooting. They will think itβs a joke! π
So Jesus has been nailed to the cross.
On the first day, he starts to moan, "Peter, Peter!"
Well, Peter hears Jesus moaning and feels it is important, so begins to go up the hill. On his way, he is met by some Roman soldiers and they proceed to beat his ass back down the hill.
On the second day, Peter hears Jesus moaning again, "Peter, Peter!"
Peter thinks to himself, this is important. He heads up the hill, fights past the first line, but gets a beatdown by the second group and back down the hill he goes.
On the third day, Peter is woken up by Jesus sounding very weak, but calling out, "Peter, Peter!"
Peter feels that whatever it is that Jesus needs him for must be very important. Peter heads up the hill, he is on a mission. He manages to fight his way thru three sets of Roman guards and make his way to the cross Jesus has been nailed to for three days. He looks up to Jesus and says, "Jesus, I have heard your calls, what is so important?"
Jesus- "Peter, I can see your house from here!"
My lesbian friends bought me a nice watch for my birthday. I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch."
If you think about it, then adoption is the last choice for getting a child, so those who are adopted were the last choice.
I think i would like a job cleaning mirrors, it's just something I could really see myself doing.
your forehead is so big you think in 4k
Bro, you ever think while driving the moped why they call it a footrest when the foot never lets it rest? The foot is working harder than the engine. You push, push, but still go the same speed like a turtle with a bad mood during a rabbit race...
Some dude: Water you thinking?
Me: You're drowning in my head.
Do you think Mars prefers Sour Orbiters sweet?
Orbiter: "Or bitter?"
Mom: It's time for sleep.
Baby: Is that what you think, huh?
Mom: *gives baby pacifier*
Baby: Nice try, hobo.
Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.
*few hours later*
Baby: *still awake*
Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!
Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.
Think like a proton--stay positive!
My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
If you've been thinking about singing karaoke with a friend, just duet.
I had sex with twins. Well, I think it was twins. All my rage victims look alike.
Your mama is so fat, when I think of her in my head, she just broke my neck.
I think your hairline is too stupid.
You think you guys are funny, but look at your hairline. It be looking like the McDonald's symbol. ππππππππ€¨ππ¦πΆπ»πππππππππππππ³π³π³πππππππ€¨
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a bucket of water.
WHERE DO THEY REALLY GO BECAUSE WATER CAN NOT BE AT THE TOP OF A HILL!?. I honestly think that only people with a physics degree can make nursery rhythms.
