Yo momma so fat that she don't need a backpack. She keeps her things in her lagrangian points.
is gwen still on this app thing?
Money and women are kind of the same thing for me it comes and goes very easily
Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, "mommy mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy's clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started...". The mother cuts him off and says "just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me." Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting "I'm leaving you... Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier." Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. "Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle joe last summer."
What is the scariest thing you'll ever see in your life? James Charles thinking he has rights.
Boi your the reason the great wall of China is a thing. You so ugly the Chinese needed to block you out
What was the last thing that crossed Princess Diana's mind? The steering wheel.
if I don't find a reason to live soon my ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's gonna be hanging from my ceiling
Whats the last thing that went through curt cobains mind? His teeth
Muslims love to exaggerate, that's why they always blow things up.
I was struggling on a math test when a girl in a wheelchair leaned over and said, "Hey, this is the easiest thing I've done all day. " I was triggered, so the next day when we were doing the pledge, I leaned over and said, "This is the easiest thing I've done all day."
The first thing the emo did at the party is to pin the gun to there head
Pope francis "What is the hardest thing about nailing a young boy to a cross ?"
"My penis"
A rich girl is flying on his helicopter when suddenly it crashes, killing everyone. What was the last thing that went through her head?
The Helicopter Blade
What was the last thing that went through Aiden's head befor he died?
His elbow.
What does Germany and the rest of the world have in common? They both use gases to poison 1 thing or another.
All zodiac signs have a hair style but cancer is just a one way thing
One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."
His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"
There was a man named, Matt, that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, I am here to tell you my sins. He was all for it and said go ahead.
Matt, "Father, Last night I almost cheated on my wife"
Priest, "how so?"
Matt, "We were together naked, but we didn't do anything just rubbed each other, that's all"
Priest, " RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! for your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box"
Matt, "okay i promise not to see her again"
Then Matt walks out the door
Priest, "Hey I saw you! you didn't put any money in the donation box!!"
Matt, "Yes I did, I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in"
