Things jokes
A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party.
She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!"
Why do people hit their electronics when they don’t work?
You keep the tradition of hitting black things.
What's the worst possible thing to be playing during the funeral of a bridge-collapse victim?
Fall Guys.
What was the scariest thing Helen Keller ever read?
The waffle iron.
What’s one thing that comes up at the worst possible time and ruins your day?
A period.
Memes
I can now cross it off my bucket list
It's always the little things that make us laugh.
Why are blind people bad at catching things? Because they never see it coming.
Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?
Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.
"Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.
But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
What’s one thing women need to know nowadays?
Their place.
What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?
Getting her husband's voice just right.
You know what's the difference between my basement and Chick-fil-A?
A lot of things.
How did "Bloody Mary" become a thing?
Because her husband beat her bloody when she didn't stay in the kitchen.
What’s one thing that an orphan can never get in poker?
A full house.
Why should a feminist never join the United Auto Workers, UAW?
Because the only thing that a feminist would do in the United Auto Workers, UAW is lick pussy all day in the woman's restroom.
The tables in my class are straight, but I can’t say the same thing for your hairline.
My sister and a basketball got certain things in common.
My sister's tits and ass are bouncy like a basketball.
Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.
Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?
Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.
Man: Shit!
My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"