“I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
What does Germany and the rest of the world have in common? They both use gases to poison 1 thing or another.
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy. They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?" His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes." The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?" "His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking." The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister." The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father." "No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
All zodiac signs have a hair style but cancer is just a one way thing
My favorite thing to do on my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.
Riddles not jokes
What has 4 legs but cannot walk?
What has bark but no bite?
There's a one-story house in which everything is orange. Orange walls, orange doors, orange furniture. What color are the stairs?
What has holes but can carry water?
What is in front of you, but cannot be seen?
What is something you have inside you that is pink, but cannot be seen?
What can you catch but not throw?
and last one
What can rule, but not command?
Tell meh the answers in the comments
like 90% of this was from this link: https://parade.com/947956/parade/riddles/
1 more thing: DoN"t google it or search it up, use ur brain to answer these.
What is the hardest thing to eat on a vegetable?
The wheelchair
Two fish were in a tank. One turned to the other and asked: "Hey, how do you drive this thing?"
What’s the best thing about 26 year olds?? There 20 of them.
Did you hear about the person who got hit in the head with a soda can? Good thing it was a "Soft" drink
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
What is the best thing about being an orphan all bag of chips are family sized
What’s one good thing about a pedophile?..... they drive slow in school zones
What's the hardest thing to do?
Not kill your sibblings. (Put the knives away >:)
Your mum your dad the things you never had.
Me: a lot of things changed since I got my wife pregnant. Friend: like what? Me: my name, my address, my phone number...
