Thing jokes
What’s the difference between your dad and your hairline?
Nothing, they both ran off.
What’s the best thing about making out with dead girls?
They can’t say no.
What's Michael Jackson's favorite things to say to little boys? "I'd really love to see you-hoo-hoo tonight," and "I can't smile without you-hoo-hoo."
Look, Bono is a great guy, but shopping with him is a pain, because he still hasn't found what he is looking for.
How do our brains remember that we forgot something, but we can't remember what that thing was?
What's the hardest thing when working with the severely mentally handicapped?
My dick.
What was the first thing Thanos snapped?
Loki’s neck.
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
What is a thing orphans have that we can never have?
Imaginary parents.
What do you call a disabled Chinese person?
Sum Ting Wong.
What's the worst thing to happen to a Japanese person in WW2... being drafted as a kamikaze pilot, or existing with a Fat Man or Little Boy?
My brother apparently has this thing called "asthma". Anyway, I took his vape away today, and he was lying on the floor gasping for air, lol. He must really be addicted to it.
What do Special Ed kids and fast kids have in common? They like to do things sped up.
What's the best thing about Switzerland?
I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
I have OCD and ADD, so everything has to be perfect... but not for very long.
The second worst thing to happen to these orphans!
What was the first thing that went through the 9/11 victims' heads?
Their ankles.
"I'm sorry, Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."
Things I would’ve missed if my suicide attempt didn’t fail in 2020.
My attempt in 2021.
And my attempt this year.
What is one good thing about pedophiles?
They drive slow in the school zone.