Thing jokes

Money and women are kind of the same thing for me; it comes and goes very easily.

What is a thing orphans have that we can never have?

Imaginary parents.

My brother apparently has this thing called "asthma". Anyway, I took his vape away today, and he was lying on the floor gasping for air, lol. He must really be addicted to it.

What is one good thing about pedophiles?

They drive slow in the school zone.

My ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's going to be hanging tonight.

Is Gwen still on this app thing?

One day an orphan threw a boomerang. It's not the only thing that didn't come back.

"I'm sorry, Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."

Things I would’ve missed if my suicide attempt didn’t fail in 2020.

My attempt in 2021.

And my attempt this year.

What was the first thing that went through the 9/11 victims' heads?

Their ankles.

The second worst thing to happen to these orphans!

I still remember the last thing Gaster said before he kicked the bucket, it was, "Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?" (Sans)

I have OCD and ADD, so everything has to be perfect... but not for very long.

The only thing drier than these jokes is your mom.

If an emo doesn't get better by Christmas, Santa's reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year.

What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?

Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.

(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)

President Biden ordered an F16 missile attack to destroy the Chinese spy balloon.

Americans are thrilled. It's the first thing he's done to combat inflation.

What is the most noise that comes out of a ladies mouth? Nothing because they never have anything important to say.

Millions of people are doing the exact same thing as you are right now.

How do our brains remember that we forgot something, but we can't remember what that thing was?