They jokes

God: Ok, so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look from being born to preteen.

Satan: (slides in) I’ll take over for you, pops.

God: I dunno... this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system.

Satan: Don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18!

God: Hmm... I’m still not- (Gets a call on his phone) Shoot, I got to take this. (Answers call) Don’t touch anything, Lucifer! (Walks away)

Satan:.......(just touches lightly, and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away)

God: (rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?!

God: (tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) Fuck me........

God:....(sighs) Fine, it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They can't ever find home.

My bank loves me. They told me my credit card balance is outstanding.

I was 11 or 12 at the time.

Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...

If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.

Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.

Why is a sick person and California similar? They tend to burn up.

What do apples and depressed kids have in common?

They both hang on trees.

Why can't orphans be gay?

Because they have no one they can call "daddy."

Q: What do Burger King and Michael Jackson have in common?

A: They put meat on five-year-old buns.

"Why is it that orphans only play tennis?""That's the only love they can get..."

Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.

Why did Trump decide to build the wall?

Because China built a wall and they do not have any Mexicans.

Q. Two gay guys are having sex, when suddenly the house catches fire. Who gets out of the house first, the guy on top or bottom?

A. The guy on the bottom because he already has his shit packed.

So, Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says, "Teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "Okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But before class ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the students clear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue." "Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear. "Well, come with me out to my dad's car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out. When they get to the car, she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: "That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"

Japanese people are so cool and organized, they have their own ways of suicide.

Ever tried Ethiopian food? No? Neither have they.

What did the orphan say to his parents? Nothing, cause they left him.

Q: Who are the fastest readers? A: Twin Tower victims, they got 80 stories in ten seconds.

Why can't a blonde call 911?

She can't find the 11.

Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because they ordered pepperoni but instead they got... Plane.