They jokes
Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.
It's all fun and games until they start dancing.
What's the difference between a coat hanger and an emo?
Nothing, they both hang.
If it does more than pee, it's too old for me!
Why do people think that monsters are scary? Cuz they are so stupid.
What did the ocean say to the Atlantic Ocean? Answer: Nothing, they just waved.
Why do orphans not have a home? Because they don’t have a family.
You know why eggs can't tell jokes?
They crack each other up!
Why are lesbians so bad at math? They can't multiply.
I have two things I wanna say:
1. When people swear, stop taking it so fucking literally. If someone calls you a bitch, they're not calling you a female dog. If they call you a cunt, they're not calling you a woman's private part, they are calling you either an idiot, scaredy cat/baby, or something along those lines, ffs.
2. wtf
They say birds of a feather flock together, so I guess that’s why Kris and common sense haven’t met yet.
Conservatives when they hear about “liberal arts:” 👊😡
Liberals when they find out about forest conservation: 😩👐
Progressives when they see a reaction video: 🤬
Reactionaries when a Progressive ad comes on (Flo is annoying): 😱
Anticoms realizing they are a part of a “community:” *seizure*
Anticaps when they have to Capitalize Their Words: 😤
Anti-monarchists when they pass a Burger King: 🫨
Antisocs when they are told to “socialize:” 🫠
Corporatists when they see a corpse: 🤤
Antifash when they spot a fashion show: 🤮
Classical liberals when the TV shows Family Feud: 😑🔫
Extremists when they are told to shoot “dead center” (they have bad aim): 😠🖕
I like playing with Yoyos, because at least they always come back.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and your parents?
Nothing. They are both just memories.
What do your underwear and the Starship Enterprise have in common?
They are both concerned about “Klingons near your anus”.
An Indian has a seat between two Pakistani's on board an airplane.
It's quite obvious to each of the three men where they are from. The Indian asks, "Pardon me gentleman, you wouldn't mind me sitting between you, do you? This is my seat, after all."
The Pakistanis look at each other, and then look back at him. One of them smiles and says, "Not at all! After all, Pakistanis and Indians are brothers! Are we not?"
The Indian is delighted at how warm and friendly they are, and he takes his seat. Shortly the plane takes off and the three guys are just chilling until the Indian says, "You know it's going to be a long ride and I am getting thirsty. Brothers, can I get any of you like a drink?" Then one of them says, "Yes brother, I would like a Coke!"
The Indian slips off his shoes and walks barefoot to where the stewardess is at, and when the Indian is out of view, one of the Pakistanis spits into his shoe. The Indian comes back and gives him a Coke.
Then the other Pakistani says, "You know what brother? I would also like a Coke too!" The Indian happily obliges, and as soon as he is out of view, he also spits in his shoe before the Indian gives him a Coke.
Finally, the Indian slips on his shoes and suddenly realizes how wet they are. He shakes his head and says, "Brothers! Why must we do this to each other, spitting in each other's shoes and peeing in each other's Cokes?"
One thing about disabled people is they never set foot in prison.
Why did the rapper become a barber?
Because they love CUTTING TRACKS!
Why do orphans like Spider-Man?
'Cause they really enjoy Far From Home and No Way Home. Damn, was he mad about Spider-Man Homecoming!
My balls are high, just like the towers, but when something impales them, they begin to sag.