They jokes
If you ever get bored, just punch an orphan. I mean, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Why can't orphans have sex?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."😳
Why can't orphans have sex?
They do not have anyone to call "daddy."
A man sits in a bar and gets seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics.
The bartender asked, "What's wrong, sir?"
The man replies, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me."
The bartender says, "Put $20 in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash."
So the man walks out with the $20 he put in his shirt pocket. The next day, the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?"
The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me $20 bucks for the wash."
The wife pulls out the money. "There is $40," says the wife.
"Oh, he also peed on me and paid for the wash, too." The man walks away believing he didn't get caught by his wife.
Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?"
Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me."
The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything."
The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too.'"
What do you call the Illuminati when they take over the world and control everything?
The Jew World Order.
You know the stupid trend where people say it’s ok to be overly obese? Healthy even? That you should take pride in it? Which idiots started that movement?
Well. We know one thing for sure. They were obviously members of a wider community.
Why can’t orphans build computers?
They don’t know where to put the motherboard.
Why did the carrots laugh?
They saw Mrs. Green Pea over the fence.
What do tomatoes 🍅 do when they meet?
They ketchup.
Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.
Why do flamingos sleep with one leg up?
Because if they slept with both legs up, they would fall over!
What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? They are both empty from the neck up.
Did you know all Canadians have the same blood type?
They all have blood "eh."
Q: What does a microwave and an M1 Garand have in common?
A: They both go “ping” when they’re done.
Don't trust stairs... They are always up to something.
Why are there no fat people in Japan?
Last time they had a "Fat Man," 80,000 people died.
What’s the difference between someone’s wife and a plate?
They both have to stay in the kitchen.
What's something the same about a depressed kid and a hanger? They both like to hang.
Why can’t organs have a family bag of chips?
Because they have no family to share it with.