They jokes
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex. They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.
College is the opposite of kidnapping. They demand $100,000 from you, or they'll send your kid back.
What do Wal-Mart and Michael Jackson have in common?
They both have little boy's pants 1⁄2 off...
Two friends fighting.
Friend 3: "Cut it out, you two!"
Friend 4: "It wouldn't help if they cut it out... Believe me... I've tried..."
This isn't even a joke, honestly. Rape victims bitch all the time, and they have a god complex. Hope they go through it again.
I don't like 9/11 jokes; they have a tendency to crash and burn.
What do 15-year-old boys and washing machines have in common?
They both like keeping one sock for themselves.
Why do women have periods? Because they deserve them!
Me: I am the second worst thing that happened to these orphans.
Friend: What was the first?
Me: They- they weren't always orphans.
Friend: O-O
What do birds and planes have in common?
They both fly into building windows.
How does a tree get online? They log in.
The cannibal says to the other cannibal, "I like it when humans fall from the sky because then they are meateor."
Why can't emos work at a restaurant? Because they cut too much.
How are Stephen Hawking and Kaepernick so much alike? They both don’t stand for the national anthem.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They can't run home.
Why can't orphans go to an amusement park?
Because they don't have parents!
Why can't orphans go on a field trip?
They need their parents' permission. 😆😆😆😆😆😆
What's the difference between a submarine and Madeline McCann?
They are both full of seamen and at the bottom of the sea.
Q: Why can't orphans do homework? A: They don't have a home to do it at.
What do crows get after they buy a phone?
A cawing card.