They jokes

What do cannibals think when they see a pregnant woman?

"Kinder Egg surprise."

Do atoms eat booty? No, because they are too cool. ;)

Women are like tornadoes.

They scream when they are coming and take your house when they are leaving.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

They unplugged the Wi-Fi cord.

Three gay guys walk into a bar.

There is only one stool left, what do they do?

They flip the stool over.

What did kings say when they were made king?

Allah ail (All hail) [insert name here]!

Where did Sally go after the gunshot?

6 feet under.

*That is how deep they put the coffin...*

Why did they make bus stops? So the bus driver would know where to pick the orphan up.

When Stephen Hawking died, did they take him to the hospital or PC World?

The only reason gay people exist is because they couldn't get the opposite gender.

My friend Josh made a joke about Liam's nonexistent hairline, even though Josh has massive ears and his face looks like a monkey's... if they were white.

Why don’t coffins have Wi-Fi?

Because they don’t want people to be so ‘connected’ while they’re trying to rest in peace.

So a lady was walking down the street with two bags, and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills. A cop pulls up and he says, “Ma’am, ma’am, your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills.” Then she says, “Oh, thank you. I wonder how long that’s been going on.” And the cop says, “Before I help you, may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bills?” And the lady says, “OK, I’ll tell you. So I live next to a stadium, and I have this beautiful rose garden, but these dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes. So they stick their junk through the fence, and I grab their junk. I said, ‘$100 dollars or it’s coming off.’” The cop says, “Oh, OK, well what’s the other bag for?” And she says, “Well, not all of them want to give me $100.”

Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.

You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."

...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"

Enough of the sex jokes! I mean, come on, they are not even funny!

What's the best thing about dead baby jokes?

They never get old.

Man, abortion jokes just don't get old, do they?

In fact, they don't age at all.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.

I tell short people to reach for the stars.

They are always a bit short of reach.

A rich guy and a poor guy have their wedding anniversary on the same day. They meet each other at the shopping complex.

The poor guy asks the rich guy, "What'd you get for your wife today?"

The rich guy replies, "I got her a diamond ring and a Mercedes."

The poor guy asks, "Why did you get two gifts for her?"

The rich guy says, "If she doesn't like the diamond ring, then she can return it in her Mercedes."

The rich guy asks the poor guy, "What'd you get for your wife?"

The poor guy says, "I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo."

The rich guy asks, "Why did you get two gifts for her?"

The poor guy says, "If she doesn't like the slippers, then she can go f*** herself."