They jokes

A mom cow's last words were to the mom cow's son. They were, "You are..." then died. The son thought that he was adopted, but then three years later, the mom cow rose from the dead and said to her son that she was going to say, "You were adorable." Then she died once more. Then two years later, she rose from the dead for the last time to say to her son, "And that's why we adopted you."

I was going from Germany to Austria, and I accidentally crossed the border illegally. When the police caught me, they told me I was a Nazi. I asked them, "Why?" They said I didn't see the border.

Why do female parachutists have to wear tampons before they jump?

So they don't whistle on the way down!

Dark humor is like kids with cancer; they never get old.

Why do mountains get so big?

They have no natural predators.

People can say whatever they want about pedophiles. At least they are pursuing their dreams.

In a white van.

Why aren’t Indian Pakistanis allowed in the World Cup of baseball?

Every time they hit a corner, they open a shop.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Two gay lovers find out they are brothers.

So... here's da scoop, alright... *licks KFC off lips* so, I was caught having sex wit three 6 year olds (girls btw, just in case you guys get mad) and da judge told me I was getting da death penalty, you know what I mean?

I had a last resort to save myself though, you feel me? So I told da judge, I said to him, I said: "Yo honah, 6 + 6 + 6 = 18, you smell me?"

Needless to say, I was announced a fre-e-e-e-e-e-e man after dat, you feel me?

But then, the Predator Poachers nigckas just barged into the courtroom and they said: 4 + 4 + 5 = 13!

Alas, I'm writing this joke from jail, and judging by the look my prisonmate Tyrone is giving me, I'll be writing jokes from hell from now on.

So Jesus has been nailed to the cross.

On the first day, he starts to moan, "Peter, Peter!"

Well, Peter hears Jesus moaning and feels it is important, so begins to go up the hill. On his way, he is met by some Roman soldiers and they proceed to beat his ass back down the hill.

On the second day, Peter hears Jesus moaning again, "Peter, Peter!"

Peter thinks to himself, this is important. He heads up the hill, fights past the first line, but gets a beatdown by the second group and back down the hill he goes.

On the third day, Peter is woken up by Jesus sounding very weak, but calling out, "Peter, Peter!"

Peter feels that whatever it is that Jesus needs him for must be very important. Peter heads up the hill, he is on a mission. He manages to fight his way thru three sets of Roman guards and make his way to the cross Jesus has been nailed to for three days. He looks up to Jesus and says, "Jesus, I have heard your calls, what is so important?"

Jesus- "Peter, I can see your house from here!"

What is the reason for why women never look to the right?

Because they don't have any rights.

When they say beat that pussy, I don’t play so punch it.

We should stop taking the piss out of Asian people. I mean, they already have enough on their plates... like cats and dogs.

My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex. Guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted to watch.

Why don’t coffins have Wi-Fi?

Because they don’t want people to be so ‘connected’ while they’re trying to rest in peace.

Women are like tornadoes.

They scream when they are coming and take your house when they are leaving.

Why can't an orphan have sex?

Because they can't call them "daddy."

When Stephen Hawking died, did they take him to the hospital or PC World?

Three gay guys walk into a bar.

There is only one stool left, what do they do?

They flip the stool over.

Do atoms eat booty? No, because they are too cool. ;)