Do you know why I don't like stairs? They are always up to something. #dadjokes
They Jokes
My uncle got really badly burned the other day.
They don't fuck around at the crematorium.
Yo mama is so slow, they had to wait six hours for the crane to finally show up.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home base.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't have a home to run to.
Why can’t orphans play baseball??
Because they can’t find their way to home plate.
Why can’t an orphan play baseball? Because they can’t find home.
My parents said to me, "Whenever you say sorry to someone and they say, 'It's okay,' it's really not."
So I said, "Okay."
It's really great that you can make fun of orphans, 'cause what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Why do golfers bring an extra pair of socks? In case they get a hole in one.
If you ever get mad at an orphan, punch them in the face... What are they going to do, tell their parents?
What's the difference between my dad and milk? There is no difference; they both left.
Me: If my face looked like yours, I would sue my parents.
Sensei: That’s funny, because when your parents dropped you off at the temple, they got a fine for littering.
Cop: Hehe, that’s funny because I gave them the fine!
What did the hijackers say when they crashed into the Twin Towers?
"Jenga!"
What do Ben 10 and a disabled kid have in common? They both slap their wrist.
What do Wal-Mart and Michael Jackson have in common?
They both have little boy's pants 1⁄2 off...
What does a sex offender that is a lesbian have in common with a sex offender that is a feminist?
They only performed cunnilingus on girls under 18 years old.
My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch.
I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.
A man was walking home but felt tired, so took a short cut through the cemetery. He then heard a tap, tap, then out of the corner of his eye, he saw a man with a hammer hitting the tombstone. The man said, "You scared me. I thought you were a ghost." The other person mumbled, "They spelled my name wrong."
