These jokes are so dark they almost stole my bike.
Your mama so fat, when she asked for a water bed they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.
Why do vegetarians give anonymous blowjobs at the glory hole at an adult book store? Because they don't want anybody to find out that they like meat.
Why do people in a wheelchair make bad jokes? Because they are bad at stand-up.
If Martin Luther King were white, what would they call him?
Alive.
Three drunk men get in a taxi. The driver knew they were drunk, so he started the car and turned it off. The first man gave him the money. The second man thanked him, but the third man slapped the driver. The driver, surprised that he noticed, asked why, and the third man replied with, "Why did you drive so fast?"
I should be ashamed of myself for making all these jokes at the expense of the disabled! After all, they can't even stand up for themselves.
On Xbox Live, an orphan can say "they f-ed your mom," so you can say, "at least mine didn't die from it."
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.
They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it!" she replied, "Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"
She said, "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!' I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!"
If trees could kill you, they wood.
They say masturbation is better with a dead arm. Apparently, I ruined that funeral.
Why can't Asians play baseball? Because they will eat the bat.
Why are Americans so bad at Clash of Clans? Cause they already lost two towers.
Who are the world's fastest readers?
The 9/11 suicide jumpers, they went through 110 stories in 5 seconds. Sorry.
What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just WAVED. Can you SEA what I did there? I'm SHORE you did. Why are you so SALTY? Don't be a BEACH.
What's the difference between a silver medal and a priest?
They both came in a little behind.
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were stuck on an island, and the closest populated island was 100km away. So in turn, they try to swim to the island. The brunette swims 10 km then drowns. The redhead swims 30 km then drowns. The blonde swims 50 km then gets tired so she swims back.
I used to be a banker but I lost interest.
Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She always ran away from the ball.
Why can’t bikes stand? Because they are two tired (Too tired).
I don't like these Undertale jokes. They just don't make any sense.
Why are Americans bad chess players?
They lost two towers.
