Stop hating on pedos. At least they drive slow in school zones.
Why do feminists believe that they can act like a bitch towards men if they want to? Because they were born without a penis.
Do you want to know why they call it an orphanage? Because they couldn't call it orphans home.
How do orphans have a family reunion? They look in the mirror.
Why are women like hurricanes?
They come in nasty and wet, then leave with your house and car.
Calling Alabama's football team an astonishment would be the biggest understatement of the century, especially since they continuously catch balls from someone who isn't related to them.
Why don’t emo girls go to self checkout?
Because every time they scan, it scans twice.
Wonder why the British are so good at chess? They have the queen.
Wonder why Americans are so bad at chess? They lost two towers.
I like when people say they hate me because we have something in common. <3
What do pedophiles and Xboxes have in common?
They both get turned on by kids.
What does my head and hell have in common?
They both have demons in them.
9/11 victims are the best readers.
They went through hundreds of stories in a few seconds.
What do turtles and lesbians have in common? They both choke on plastic.
Why do priests like kids in wheelchairs? Because they can’t run.
An ugly, arrogant woman walked into a store with her 2 kids, yelling at them.
The store clerk pleasantly said, "Good morning ma'am and welcome. Nice children, are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling and said, "Hell no they are not, one is 9 and the other is 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just bloody stupid?"
The clerk replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid ma'am, I just can't believe someone would screw you twice."
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
When he asked who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach."
I asked an emo, "Do they get jealous when their phone dies?"
How do computers get drunk?
They take a screenshot.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to celebrate their marriage.
Nine months later, they happily had some use for their baby carriage.
Two years later, they went up again, then their daughter had a brother.
But one little secret that no one knew was that Jack and Jill share a mother.
Why can’t Jesus be born in West Virginia?
Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.
