They jokes
Why are mountains always tired? Because they don't Everest.
A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane.
The German sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Germany." The others ask, "How do you know?" The German says, "Because it's so cold."
Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Australia." The others ask, "How do you know?" He replies, "Because it's so warm."
Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says, "We are in Mexico." The others ask, "How do you know?" He says, "Because my watch is gone."
Me and my friend went to the park. After a while, we grabbed our little princess and said, "It's time to go, sweetie." But before we could go, someone said, "Stop them, they have my daughter!"
What do a prostitute and peanut butter have in common?
They both spread for bread.
Imagine you're playing GTA and you finally found out how to take out a gun: Option 1: shoot someone Option 2: suicide
Me: Aren't they the same thing?
Memes
They knew what they were doing
Why were the twin towers sad?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
Why is it so easy bullying orphans?
They can’t tell their mom.
Whenever my grandparents apologize, I say "forgive and forget". They are really obedient.
Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?
No?
They both got six months.
What does an Al Qaeda terrorist and a flexible man have in common?
They can blow themselves up.
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? -- One. They are efficient and don't have humor.
You know what they say about dark humor: it hits harder than a drunk parent.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.
I had to stop using cutting jokes because they were getting too deep.
Why do orphans play Sims?
Because they can make themselves a family.
Don't pick flat chests because they will turn their backs on you twice.
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house is!
What do depressed kids and sloths have in common? They both hang from trees.
What do Spiderman and an orphan have in common? They both have no way home.
Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn’t close his casket.