They jokes

The media's relationship with Hillary is just like Bill's relationship with Hillary. The relationship is unwanted and forced, and they'll move on to the next person any chance they get.

How can you tell if someone Amish is an alcoholic? They keep falling off the wagon.

What do orgasms and pulses have in common?

I don’t care if they have either of them.

What do British politics and transgender people have in common?

Both aren't what they used to be...

They say there is strength in numbers. Tell that to the people in the World Trade Center.

I went for a job interview today, and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible!"

Why can you never surprise mountains?

They peak.

Why do blonde prostitutes prefer blowjobs?

They hate it when you hand it to them.

Why do gay men hate periods?

They prefer Collins.

What do a male pornstar and an emo have in common?

They are both hung.

The Twin Towers are like crippled legs; once they break, they can’t be fixed.

I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.

Why do people who get shot in the head always become therapists?

They are more open-minded.

NASA called me and they said they reached your hairline.

I took my sister and cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy, who my dad's friend has connections with.

I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized. We got what we wanted.

Why do orphans suck at web design?

They don’t know what a home page is.

I believe Alia is a true god because they say in the beginning there was an explosion.

I feel bad for all American Clash Royale players.

They always start with two towers downed.

Gay gang members don't do drive-bys, they do fruit roll-ups.

Why can't orphans have cookies?

They are home made.