They jokes
What do Japanese men do when they vote?
They have an erection.
How do you tell a child they have cancer?
With a smile on your face.
This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.
So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."
Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."
Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"
How do pedophiles follow the law?
They drive it slow in the school zone.
Little Johnny went to school and right before class started, he pulled down his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." After that, his teacher told him to put on his pants and go to the office. The principal asked him what he did, so he pulled down his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." Then the principal called his mom. The mom got there and took little Johnny home.
They got in the car, and his mother asked, "Johnny, what did you do this time?" So Johnny pulled his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." Once they got home, his dad was off work and heard that Johnny was coming home early from school. Once again he asked Johnny what he did. Johnny pulled down his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." After that, his dad was surprised, so his dad pulled down his pants and said, "Big whale, big whale."
What do Communism, Socialism, Feminism, and Fascism all have in common?
They are all disabilities.
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast.
How did Stephen Hawking make it up the stairway to heaven?
Well, he didn’t; they invented an elevator.
In my locality, there was an orphanage but everybody in the locality was really sexist too, so they had to change the orphanage into a brothel 'cause everybody took the boys away and nobody was taking the girls and the manager didn't want to waste any 14-year-old pussy, did he?
Why do orphans never play baseball?
'Cause they can never get a home run.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Do you know why I hate pedophiles?
They are fucking immature kids!
Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.
Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.
"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"
"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."
When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.
The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.
After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."
"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"
Why do vegans hate sex?
They don't want to say they had a meat in 'em.
Why aren’t Make-A-Wish kids allowed to fly?
Because they rarely make it out of the terminal.
Did you know that good Catholic girls like to WAP?
Yeah, they are all about Worship and Prayer.
What does a gay guy and an ambulance have in common?
They both get loaded from the rear and go...woo woo woo.
Why do trannies suck at being soldiers? Because they have a 41% casualty rate.
Why is it so hard to find people defending suicide in any discussion?
Because they are really committed to their cause.
World leaders are so old, they've got nostalgia for the Cambrian explosion.