They jokes
The worst comedians take 9 months to make a joke. Then they spend the rest of their lives trying to forget it.
What do gay men and drug dealers have in common?
They both get a lot of crack.
Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
What does a race track and your hairline have in common? They both go up and down.
What’s the difference between your dad and your hairline?
Nothing, they both ran off.
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!
What’s the best thing about making out with dead girls?
They can’t say no.
What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.
Why are people from New York so bad at chess?
Because they quickly lose two towers (rooks).
What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?
They are both legless.
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
Why do lesbians shop at Sports Authority? Because they don’t like dicks.
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house looks like.
Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense.
They have to come out of the closet sometime.
Yo mama so fat, when she went to a dating service, they ended up matching her up with Pittsburgh.
Na, don't be mean to fat people. Oh wait, never mind, they can handle the weight.
How do rappers stay warm in the winter?
They drop FIRE TRACKS.
I called my dog J. They said, "Joné."
What do people that can only use half their face and wankers have in common?
They have both had a few strokes.
Q: Why did the family want to move out while the neighbors were playing tennis?
A: Because they were a racquet!