They jokes

Why do Americans suck at chess?.......... They already lost two towers.

My mom said the happier a person is when sick, the sooner they get better.

So I went to the hospital, hooked up everyone's breathing masks to laughing gas.

A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.

One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."

Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."

Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"

All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"

The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."

Why do so many people get charged with rape? Because they are too stupid to finish her off and bury the body.

A missionary was caught by cannibals. He was tied up and thrown into a big pot. The cannibals were chopping up vegetables and throwing them into the pot with the missionary. When they lit the fire under the pot, the missionary said, "You can't stew me. I'm a friar."

I would tell jokes about Kobe, but they would just crash and burn.

Did you guys see on the news where they arrested that pervert at the Michaels Crafts store?

He was running around completely naked and had sprinkled glitter all over his testicles. I guess it was pretty nuts.

How do Asians name their kids?

They throw pots and pans down the stairs. (ching chong dong)

I love bullying orphans. Who are they gonna tell? Their parents?

If you tell a girl they're pretty, they won't believe you. If you tell them they're ugly, they'll never forget it.

Elephants never forget.

If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. After all, they are independent and need no man.

Cheer on the rapist if you want.

How do trees calculate square roots? They use log-arithms.

What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both like fairies sitting on them.

Why aren't orphans good at Monopoly?

They don't know what a house is.

I’m trying to find out what IDK means. Every time I ask someone, they say, "I don’t know."

What do snow and friends have in common? If you pee on them, they disappear.

Do you know why I finger women with my left hand?

They don’t deserve rights!

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in seconds.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them.

What's so great about dead baby jokes? They never get old.

What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?

nothing... they both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.